Why You Shouldn’t Marry the Man of Your Dreams

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The scene: my wedding reception.

Toasts have just been completed by my dad, the maid of honor, the best man, and freshly minted husband. I unexpectedly grab the mic.

“Zach was scheduled to give the final toast tonight, but his days of having the last word are over.”

The crowd goes wild. The laughter dies down. People shift in their seats and drink from their Mason jars.

“After we got engaged, Zach playfully asked me if he was the man of my dreams. I thought for a second and said, ‘Nope. I never could have thought you up.’ Zach, you are unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and unlike anyone I could have predicted for myself. So, no, you are not the man of my dreams. But you are the man that I love.”

Why am I sharing this story, and why did the table of bridesmaids produce enough tears to fill a punch bowl?

Because there is extraordinary power in being open to the unexpected.

It requires vulnerability. It means experiencing rather than controlling.

Can you stay open to the unexpected?

Because sometimes your imagination just can’t do justice to what’s in store for you.

In the comments, I’d love to hear if you’ve been pleasantly surprised by something you couldn’t predict.

Gathering light,


7 thoughts on “Why You Shouldn’t Marry the Man of Your Dreams

  1. This is exactly how I feel about my own marriage. I know so many women who have tried to control the situation or craft the perfect scenario. My husband and I dated long distance, he’s very different in nearly every way than what I would’ve thought I would pick. I looked at our relationship, thought about failures (and regrets) I’d had in the past when I overanalyzed and tried to control and was afraid, and decided to jump in. I married him having never lived together, moved across the country, and have loved it. It hasn’t been perfect, but we’ve enjoyed experiencing each other, working things out, and have a great relationship. We’ve been married three and half years and are going strong.

  2. This is so true. I shared this same concept with a friend at work, of being open to the opportunities that come your way. The opportunity may present itself, and you may not be flexible because it is not the way you planned to have things happen. Staying positive and open minded may help you get to where you are going, only down a different path. I watch Joel Osteen every Sunday and he spoke about this same concept!

  3. In my junior year in college, I never would have expected that the ebullient girl who showed up in 5 out of my 6 classes would end up being my best friend. That is SO not me! Thirty years have past and between the two of us, we have been through marriage, divorce (me twice), her beautiful children and all the crazy-wonderful things that happen in life. We have taught each other so much and are blessed each and every day.
    That first day when we met, my dear friend taught me the valuable lesson of being open to people and life’s experiences. To this day, she sometimes reminds me to step out of my comfort zone …like when she sends me this Scoutiegirl link. Thank you Ayni!

  4. This has not happened, but after the last of what seems like a series of misfortune relationships, it is nice to think of it like this. I try to plan out everything and have had no luck thinking of the next “type” of person to look for since the others haven’t worked. Letting that notion go will free up some mind space for something more productive

  5. “Because there is extraordinary power in being open to the unexpected.
    It requires vulnerability. It means experiencing rather than controlling.”
    Your words resonate; the timing is perfect. Thank you.

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