Vulnerability can be a difficult thing, and lately I feel like I’m caught in the thick of it. Caught in owning the fact that I’ve over-worked myself the last few years, and with only three weeks left until grad school is over, I’m beat. Exhausted. Worn out. I’m so very tired. And I’m okay with owning that for right now, acknowledging that in order to get through the next few weeks, I need to be gentle with myself, and let myself have some of what I need.
So, this weekend, I did just that. People that get to know me, find out rather quickly that I have a deep love for old things. Give me an old window, an old drawer, crates, and I’ll find somewhere to put them. My favorite part is the hunt of going to places that sell all sorts of old things that many would consider junk, finding an extremely dirty and imperfect item, and taking it home to clean it up and find it a spot that will make my apartment feel like home.
You see, as much as I love nesting, I try not to gather too many things, because I know I’m not stuck here in Seattle, and that I’m open to picking up and moving. When I decide to do that, I don’t want to worry about getting rid of all this “stuff” I’ve accumulated. But this weekend, as I was sitting on my couch, I decided that since I’m going to live in this apartment at least another year, I should probably nest, just a little.
On Sunday, I went and rummaged through old drawers, got all dusty, and even got a splinter, but I was very much in my happy place. I brought home this window for $8, hung it on my wall, and am contemplating whether or not I should use it as a quote board. It was a simple thing, that perhaps would be insignificant to most, but that helped these next few weeks look less daunting. I’m still extremely exhausted, but looking at that window on my wall the next few weeks, will help push me forward. And then, I can rest.