Those Monsters in the Mirror

As the year comes to an end it is time to set new goals for the new year, but I also start looking at what I have achieved this year. You know all those goals I set this time last year? The ones I mostly didn’t reach?

I didn’t get the library of patterns written, I didn’t develop a big wholesale business, and I didn’t even run a half marathon in under two hours.

I am a failure. 

But what happens when I look at it without all the drama? What can my failures tell me?

My biggest fail was time. I simply imagined I would have a lot more of it than I did. I had a newborn, a 2 year-old, and a kindergartener, and the combination was a huge time sink. I also didn’t manage my time very well. I procrastinated. I generally think that procrastination is a symptom, not the disease itself, so I ask what would have happened if I was very successful this year? I probably would have killed myself with work. I procrastinated instead of admitting to myself that I was not able to handle that kind of commitment. Wholesale is still a goal, and I did get a few accounts, I just need to be realistic about what I can really handle.

Why didn’t I get a fat catalog of patterns written? It was because writing patterns is hard. It twists my brain around in knots and leaves me mentally exhausted. I cannot write a pattern each week and take care of everything else. So instead I am making a more modest goal of releasing a new pattern every month, and promoting it better. Volume is not the goal, quality work and sales are.

And why didn’t I break two hours in the half marathon? All of the above.

I exhausted myself with all my faux working and didn’t take enough time to train.

Realising all of this — that I did not fail because I am a failure, but rather it was a combination of over ambitious goals and bad management — helps me see clearly what I can achieve, and start the new year with better goals and without those monsters in the rearview mirror.

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