Congruence. Bringing our external world into alignment with our internal lives. If you’ve been reading my column here on Scoutie Girl or my own blog, you know I’m fascinated by these ideas – and putting them into practice.
Today I want to talk about a certain beast you may be familiar with in your own life: the Giant Incongruence. The Giant Incongruence is one of those big things that just doesn’t fit our lifestyle or vision at all, but needs to stay, at least for now. Often due to reality.
When I use the word “beast” here, I mean it.
A Giant Incongruence is so big, so counter to what we want in our lives, that it feels absolutely terrible to recognize it for what it is and live with it.
I picture mine as a demanding woolly mammoth that has plunked down in my living room and refuses to budge. Huge, immoveable, and shudder-inducing. I’m sick of mopping up his drool and sweeping his fur, but since he’s sticking around, at least he makes for an awfully good guard dog.
Whether you imagine your Giant Incongruence as an angry Snuffleupagus or something else entirely, I’m sure you know what I mean. They come in many forms:
A Giant Incongruence is the house that doesn’t feel like home…but right now, you’d be selling at an impossible loss.
A Giant Incongruence is the job with pay and bennies…that doesn’t feed your soul at all.
A Giant Incongruence is the town you’d love to leave…but there are strong ties keeping you here, for now.
Do you have a Giant Incongruence in your own life? Something that feels completely wrong but that you’re not ready, willing, or able to change right now? Something that doesn’t feed you but is important for you to allow at this time in your life?
I have one…or two…and lately I’ve been playing with how to make my Giant Incongruences more in line with the life I want, for as long as I need to keep them around.
There were two questions I asked myself that helped me feel at peace with my current choices.
How can I bring more of myself to this Giant Incongruence?
With a Giant Incongruence, it helps to add as many little congruences as possible, even if your first instinct is to disengage. Instead, can you bring yourself to this situation in fresh ways?
Start pretending that house you ache to leave is your forever home. Care for it with pride. Bring elements of your dream space to your now space, be it a fresh coat of paint or a new piece of furniture.
If your job doesn’t feed your soul, bring your soul to your job. Seriously. You’ll be a lot happier. Treat each colleague and client with kindness, and do your best work. Dress a little more like you. Speak a little more like you.
If your place is not your thing, root down a little bit anyway. Find the pockets of beauty or culture that speak to you. Or create them.
How does the Giant Incongruence already support the things which are important to me? My deepest, core values?
It was not until fairly recently that I devoted some time to identifying my core values with the help of a wise mentor. I found that my values were simple, elegant, and – surprise! – supported in many ways by my Giant Incongruence.
That house is still a shelter. That job still provides for you and your loved ones. That town is still your community.
I was a little bit stunned to recognize so deeply the ways in which my Giant Incongruence is in line with my desires to care and provide for my family. With how much I value creativity, flexibility, and the ability to design my own life.
So, my Giant Incongruence is still plunked in my living room. I would still like him to move out – eventually. But in this moment I embrace him. There’s a bowl of water and a warm blanket with his name on it. You might even come over and find me scratching his belly.
I’d love to hear from you:
Do you have any Giant Incongruences in your life? Things that don’t fit but need to stay for now?
Are there ways you can bring more of yourself to that space? Are there ways that situation already aligns with your values?
I hope these two questions bring you greater peace and joy with the choices you make – and more energy to use creating the life of your dreams!