October 18, 2012

The Gifts of Imperfection

I always love when I’m going along through life and I happen to pick up a book that gets me to face all of the things I’ve been avoiding. This happened when I recently picked up The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. It got me to face  important things like authenticity, self love, and just owning up to being imperfect. I’ve gone around lately so busy, and so determined to get everything right, that I’ve been driving myself crazy. I’m an imperfect human, and instead of getting angry at myself when I forget to call someone back, or show up late for a meeting, I should anticipate that these things are going to happen, and acknowledge that it’s okay.

Something else that has been getting in my way lately is authenticity. Normally, I pride myself on being raw and authentic in how I portray myself. However, how can this be possible when I’m trying to make sure I get everything just right? It’s an impossible task, and clearly not one I should be aspiring to live up to.

If I haven’t been raw and authentic with myself lately, that surely doesn’t set me up to be very raw and authentic with anyone else.

I’ve shut myself off to the things that I want because they make me vulnerable, and, oh my, is vulnerability scary. But it was so reaffirming to go through this book, because within the past week, I’ve started to make life choices about things that no longer need to be in my life, what I really need, and how I’m going to make those things happen.

All this week, I’ve been making myself vulnerable from sharing this big idea I have with people who are far more knowledgeable than I, stepping down from a position that I’d lost heart in, and choosing to give love a chance with someone whom it failed with in the past. So it has been a big week of feeling extremely vulnerable, and I was terrified the whole time — terrified of my idea being shut down, terrified of letting people down, terrified of being rejected — but I did it anyway.

I thought a lot all week about the fact that life comes with no gurantees, and decided there were two things I could do with that.

I could either live life safely, and only do things where I had control of the outcome, or I could open myself up to the possibility of hurt, if that means potentially finding greatness.

I know there will be times where I’m vulnerable, and my biggest fear becomes reality. Yet I also know that won’t be the case every time. And it’s that little ounce of hope that vulnerability might lead to great things that keeps me open to the idea.

I could go on and on about why you should pick up this book, but I really think it’s something we can all benefit from, as it deals with the things we all struggle with as humans. The book guides you through this idea of cultivating a wholehearted life, and tell me, who doesn’t want that?

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, “No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.” It’s going to bed at night thinking, “Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

~Brené Brown

So tell me, how have you been vulnerable lately?

Filed Under: Read & Play Tagged With: , , 1 Comment
August 28, 2012

Remember That You’re Worthy

“you are worthy” by Carrie Keplinger – click to download

Sometimes, during the normal course of human existence, we come across realizations so big they knock us flat. They might be about spirituality, our friends and family, our circumstances, or even – gulp – us. It can be overwhelming, and we have a tendency to start thinking poorly of ourselves (whether or not it’s our fault).

After the initial freak-out, after you’ve come to terms with whatever it is, it’s important to realign your perspective.

Yes, you might be in the wrong line of work. Yes, God might be different than you thought. Yes, you may have screwed up royally or emotionally wounded someone. Yes, someone may have horribly hurt you.

That doesn’t change the fact that you are still worthy.

You are worthy of the good things in your life: the supportive people, the success you’ve had so far, the joy you find in the beauty around you, and especially the love and kindness of others.

Take a deep breath, lift your head up, and walk on.

Filed Under: Plot Notes Tagged With: , 3 Comments
May 2, 2012

The balance ~ Don’t be a ‘Nice Girl’. Be a business woman.

image by courtney oquist - click for more

“Yes, I’d be happy to do this. Now, with the amount of time you’ve given me, here’s realistically what I can give you. Or with this amount of money, here’s realistically what I can provide. Now, if you want to give me more time or more money, I can get closer to what you want.” – Lois Frankel, Ph.D.

Does that statement sound strong and empowered to you? Or does it make you cringe?

It’s from an article on Inc. – an interview with businesswoman Lois Frankel, Ph.D. The article is called Why Nice Girls Finish Last.

It certainly got me thinking. About me and my business. About how much I am willing to give, and what I am worth.

See, I’ve reached that point of ‘success’ (how do you even define that, anyway?) where people come to me for advice or help with their own businesses.

It used to be that I would help out anyone who came my way – for free.

But a while ago now I decided it was time to draw the line.

I have so many projects going on that I barely have time to keep on top of my business, let alone helping people with theirs for free.

My time truly is limited, and precious, and I simply couldn’t justify giving away my time any more. And honestly? I love teaching, but my core business is jewellery making and blogging – not coaching. I needed to make sure I had the time to focus on the core of my business.

So, I decided to charge people for my time. If they wanted my help, they needed to pay me what my time was worth.

Boy oh boy, was that a HARD decision to make!

See, I’m a “nice girl.” I like to help people, and I hate to say no. It makes me feel uncomfortable, like I’m letting people down.

I’m guessing you’re a “nice girl,” too. Because gosh, doesn’t it feel great to be thanked, and praised, and loved? It does. And we, as women, have somehow gotten it into our heads that if we say “no” or stand up and ask for payment for what our time is truly worth, that we are being “unkind” or “greedy.”

But we’re not.

We’re in business; we should treat what we do as business.

That’s not to say we can’t be kind, compassionate, caring, and helpful… but we need to be these things in a way that doesn’t result in us losing out!

We need to stop being afraid of charging what we’re worth. We need to stop being afraid to say no.

I have been saying “no” for a while now, and you know what? Every person who I’ve had to say no to has been gracious and understanding.

Of course, when I say “no” I say it in a respectful and kind way that explains my point of view. And very much like the quote at the top, I often say an “if, then” rather than a flat-out no.

For example, “I’d love to help you; however, due to the volume of requests I receive, I can no longer assist people with their businesses for free. Here is the link to my ‘hire my brain‘ page. Please get in touch if you’d like to work with me!.”

When I am confident of what I can and cannot give, other people seem to sense that and are satisfied.

I’m sure I’ll come across the odd person who doesn’t respond this way, but that’s life. I can’t let that hold me back from asking for what I’m worth.

I think I’ll let Louise sum it up:

“It would be, to get the things that you want in life, you need to take risks. You need to get outside your comfort zone and be willing to deal with other people’s discomfort, because if you spend your life making other people comfortable, you may feel good, but you’re not going to get what you really want.”

How do you tread this line in your own business – and life?

Filed Under: Buy You, For You, creating action Tagged With: , , , , , , 40 Comments
February 10, 2012

you are worth it: the art of earning live

In just a couple of weeks, entrepreneurs from all over the country will be attending and tuning in virtually to The Art of Earning LIVE in Philly. One of those fantastic folks is Sara Blackthorne, who took some time recently to share how the ideas behind The Art of Earning have changed her business – and her life.

“You are genuinely a purveyor of profound meaning.”
~Tara Gentile

One year ago, I was teaching a writing workshop to women on three continents while working a full-time retail position I hated. Then I left the retail job, the workshop ended, and I had this website {link to http://www.forestofstories.com here}, with not a whole lot on it. It felt curious, a place that should be crazy comfortable and yet, something wasn’t right. Over the next five months, I cultivated and curated and created content, but it was haphazard – I wasn’t committing myself to the business, or to my dreams, I was just putting things out on the web.

Along came The Art of Earning.

I was aware of my sketchy relationship with money, but I didn’t realize how deeply I had internalized the “starving artist” belief.

It seemed natural to me that I wasn’t earning a sustainable income writing on a website not many knew about, but after I read Tara’s book, I realized that my deeply-held, as-normal-as-breathing poverty mentality was actually the driving force behind my low traffic, my lack of income, my resistence to all things entrepreneurial.

Since reading The Art of Earning, I have not only steadily increased my exposure on the web, but have developed two additional workshops, the beginnings of a one-on-one writing {coaching} experience, created digital products, and been interviewed on several other websites. I have a regular stream of readers, feature incredible women in an interview series, and made the choice to stare my financial woes directly in the face.

The Art of Earning didn’t just teach me about money or business.

Reading this book, doing the exercises, and really hearing the material being presented – it showed me that my dreams, my beliefs on earning and value, and the essence of my creative offerings to the world are worth every dollar I invest and charge. And if I can get all that from an ebook, then I know that there is something bigger than money at the heart of my business. Tara truly changed my perspective on what it means to be self-employed, to be an entrepreneur, to be a creative being in this evolving economy.

I’ll not ever believe the haters again.

Sara Blackthorne from A Forest of Stories helps women share their lives via workshops, workbooks, and one-on-one sessions.

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The Art of Earning LIVE is Tara’s most complete business training to date: a day long workshop in the heart of Philadelphia. Join us from the comfort of your home office or kitchen table. Virtual tickets are on sale until Tuesday, February 21.

Filed Under: Buy You, For You, guest posts Tagged With: , , , , , Leave a Comment
January 22, 2010

tell someone “i heart you” by buying handmade.

kh2rac - girl with hearts

here at scoutie girl, we like great handmade stuff. we like to buy handmade because it’s different, because it sets us apart, because of the quality, the personal connection, the benefit to mother earth.

but i believe that there’s an even greater concept behind the “buy handmade” movement.

buying handmade is a vote in favor of goods that are worth something.

really worth something. they are worth the blood, sweat, and tears – oh, yes, it’s cliche – but so true – of the person who made it. the product is worth the time in which the designer learned their craft, marketed their brand, and packaged your order. they are worth the uniqueness of the concept. and these craftspeople value themselves enough to put a price tag on their goods that reflects that worth.

this year for valentine’s day, consider telling someone “i heart you” and “you’re worth something to me” by purchasing a gift that is truly worth something. and, to make it just a bit more challenging, why not purchase a handmade gift for someone who knows nothing but shopping in strips malls and big box stores? introduce someone you love to the quality, craftsmenship, and shear coolness factor of a gift like-no-other!

and maybe, just maybe, if you feel bold – tell them how much they’re worth.

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for a great discussion of the “culture of cheap” and the value of handmade goods, click on over to “crafting an mba” a new blog by my friend megan auman. i’ve not seen a blog or blog post in a long time (if ever!) warrant the depth & consideration of the comments being left on megan’s post reflecting on her recent troubles with those who question her prices.

{image credit: kh2rac via flickr}

Filed Under: i heart you. Tagged With: , , , , 5 Comments