May 25, 2012

book review: meeting your half orange

Editor’s note: This is the first post from our new contributor, Tahani Al-Salem. Welcome to Scoutie Girl, Tahani!

Well hello, all!

I wish I could fully express how ecstatic I am to be sharing my words with all of you amazing souls! I’ve been a fan of Scoutie Girl for quite some time now, and the fact that my words are going to be read, by you, kind of astounds me.

To start, here’s a little snippet about me: I constantly have all these thoughts bouncing around, and all this energy for life that I just want to share with others. I want people to realize the amazingness that is this life by being their raw authentic selves, owning it, and working from there. So how do I plan to tackle all of this?

Currently, I’m in school, on my way to becoming a social worker, which I hope to use to combine my love for travel, writing, and empowering others. If there is one thing that people know about me, it’s that I’m always planning and plotting new ways to touch and inspire as many lives as possible. Because to me- that’s what this life thing is all about.

Before I get to the book I’m reviewing, I should probably explain a little about why I read this book in the first place. I’m a big fan of self help books, which always seems to get me a lot of laughs, or perplexed faces. It’s not that I have several issues (although, trust me, I have some!), but that I consider it more like self-empowerment.

There is so much to gain in reading and exploring different ideas about who we are, and how to get the most out of this life we have.

So that leads me to Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match by Amy Spencer.

Now, if you’re in a relationship, or married, don’t stop reading just yet. I think this book could be helpful for you as well, as using the power of positive optimism in our relationships is something I think we could all learn from.

I don’t recall where I first heard about this book, but once I’d heard about it I was set on finding it. So much, that I skipped an afternoon class, hopped the bus, and went on a mission to find it. Once at the bookstore, I quickly scanned the shelves, and found the book in all its brightness. However, it took me quite awhile to muster up the courage to go up and buy the book. All I could think was that here I was, in my early 20s buying a book on dating optimism. Seriously? Is this what my life had come to? As I tried to muster up courage, I stood between bookshelves, opened up the  book, and began reading…

“This book is all about being picky. You’re allowed to want what you want, and you deserve to get it! And if you agree with that premise, you will do just fine.”
~Amy Spencer

And that’s what sold me. I brushed off my uneasiness and realized that buying this book wasn’t an act of desperation, but an act of hope.  And hope is something I can hang with.

Spencer spends the book working to explain how to reframe things, and take them as they are. As I began reading this book I started to realize that there was no way I was going to find what I was looking for if I couldn’t even admit to myself what I was looking for.

“It’s not your job to figure out how you’re going to get what you want. It’s your job to want it. Simply want it badly enough, focus on it with the most positive feelings you can muster, and the energy you create within and around you will bring it straight to you.”
~Amy Spencer

I’m one of those people that is perfectly capable of finding contentment from within, and being happy doing my own thing, but I’ve learned that there is a big difference between want and need. And although I may not need someone, I very much want to find someone, and that is something I need to own. So I own it, okay! I own it!

“The point is, it’s time to start looking at what kind of relationship you want instead of what kind of man you want. Because thinking about the relationship you want is something you can attach feelings to, and it’s the feelings that are important.”
~Amy Spencer

Spencer encourages readers to make a big love list of all the things the kind of relationship they’re looking for would consist of. After reading this book the first time, I started my own big love list, which now stands at six sloppy handwritten pages. So I read it quite often to remind myself of what it is I’m looking for, and every so often I add something I may have missed before.

What I love about this book is that it’s not something you can read just once, but a book that you find yourself going back to and skimming,  or reading over entirely. Because the truth is, being optimistic isn’t always easy and can take a lot of practice.

Be kind with yourself. This is a process, much like anything else.

The great thing about this  book is that it gets you to change the way that you look at things, gives you perspective, and opens your eyes to what has been there all along. Throughout the book I kept laughing to myself because the things Spencer was saying seemed so obvious, but were things I hadn’t really thought of before. I think sometimes reading things on paper helps us to realize that we’re not the only people that go through these things, and that navigating relationships is something that has no right answer, and is a lifelong learning process.

So I encourage you to make your big love list, to put down in words what your ideal relationship looks like.

I’d love to hear what you come up with!

Filed Under: book review, Read & Play Tagged With: , , , , , , , 3 Comments
March 26, 2012

Learning to see again. the beauty in the breakdown.

What is mine to do in the world is to awaken people to other ways of seeing. To inspire hope where there is doubt, love where there is pain.

Two weeks ago I shared with you a draft of what will be my credo for life and work, as  I move into a new phase in both. This is the first and most essential statement, so I felt I should elaborate on it. I may elaborate on all of them, but this one is the key.

I have been blessed with an uncanny capacity for optimism, considering the amount of loss and pain I experienced early in life and the opposite nature of my mother. Despite the message that the world is dangerous, people can’t be trusted, and I am not worthy, I always seem to find the bright spot in the picture. I realize now that this is a gift that many don’t share, and could use help with.

We live in very confusing times. We are way overloaded with information, noise, and imagery. It is a wonder anyone can function with the amount of distraction most of us face each day. The way we do it is by tuning out a majority of it, but at what loss? I think for many the ability to filter out the garbage and see what is good is gone, and with it a lot is lost.

I had coffee and conversation with a good friend yesterday and we discussed this. I pointed out the window where there was a row of trees beautifully bursting with white blossoms. So beautiful, but surrounded by a strip mall, highway, cars, asphalt, glass, metal… How many people driving down that road actually notice those trees, we wondered? My friend agreed that this is a problem.

So, when I say it is my work to awaken people to other ways of seeing, I mean notice the trees but also notice what is beyond the surface.

I mention having experienced a lot of loss early on. The year I was thirteen I lost my father to suicide, my bedroom and all my belongings to a house fire, and whatever hope was left in my mother. It was a sad, sad year and shaped me in many ways. I remember coming into the house after the fire and looking into the shell of my room. Most everything was gone, but on the wall were the melted remains of a yellow princess phone dripping down onto the charred carpet. It was somehow beautiful in my eyes and I became fascinated by the beauty in the unexpected.

Birth and death, creation and destruction are what life is, and we need to embrace all of it to live fully.

In 2006 my interest in photography was rekindled in an abandoned factory. This is where my interest in learning to see, and in healing through art and imagery, really began. The striking tenacity of nature to reclaim her space with new growth in the rust and rubble is as beautiful to me as anything.

I take this way of seeing to all I encounter in life now. It is not always easy, but if I try I can see that there is a positive spin one can find in most situations. Where there is not is simply the fact that light cannot exist without darkness; we are both.

Do I have concerns about things, the planet, education, pointless war, social injustice…of course I do. However, I believe that in helping people to see in a more positive way, we give them hope and that gives them power. When we feel powerful we are motivated to work and to change. I believe that art is a means to achieve this. The image with the hand above is an example of how I use art myself as a tool for healing and change. It is art I do just for me, not to sell or achieve any level of expertise. It is raw and intuitive but contains symbols I have come back to again and again.

I am an artist using my hands to show, my heart to see, and my voice to tell.

I believe there is beauty in the breakdown, and I am not alone.

Tell me: What do you think, what do you see?

From the Heart,

Filed Under: Conversation Starters, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , , , , , 18 Comments
August 15, 2011

art to inspire: lessons learned from the eternal optimist

Being your own boss is amazing, but it’s not always easy. There are ups and downs in every business. So, when things start to lean more toward stress than success, take a few lessons from an eternal optimist (and add your own to the comments below)…

Half Full + Every Cloud

1. Your glass is always half full. Be a “half full” kind of gal (or guy). Seeing the positive in all situations (or at least as many situations as possible) can do wonders for your overall mindset and outlook on life. Your business will benefit from a positive attitude.

Get Back on the Horse + When Life Gives you Lemons

2. Get Back on that Horse. Remember, there are going to be hiccups in your biz – you can’t avoid them all. So try to remind yourself, whenever you need, that it’s how you handle those hiccups that will determine whether you become a success story or another statistic.

If You Think You Can, You Can + Do Something About It

3. Dream it and Do it. And finally… This last tip makes a whole lot of sense, but it isn’t always the easiest to follow. So, here it goes: YOU have to make things happen! It’s great to dream, but you are responsible for making those dreams come true!

Now it’s your turn… Share your own lessons for success in the comments section below.

Filed Under: brittni {paper n stitch}, illustration | painting, inspiration Tagged With: , , , , , , 7 Comments
July 8, 2010

don’t hate me for being hopelessly optimistic

You know, I’m not an artist. I’m not even very crafty when it comes to glue, paper, scissors, and yarn. I fancy myself a writer – which is just an easier way to say than “creative professional” since that requires me to constantly clarify myself.

The truth is – while I’ve always identified myself as a creative person – I’ve always been jealous of artists and markers. I can’t compete. And now, something its difficult to write to an audience of crafty people (that’s you!) with any sort of authority.

But there’s one thing I know I can offer to you: my relentless optimism.

While I’ve suffered from depression all my life, I’ve always had a special knack for seeing bad situations as happy little glimmers of hope. Let’s call it my creative super power. Well, just between you & me because if I tried to tell the internet that, they’d think I was weird.

I really try – no try is a bad word because I just DO – to see every missed opportunity, dip, challenge, confrontation in only the most positive of terms. And frankly, I get pretty tired of people who don’t, at least outwardly, try to see the world the same way. Does that make me a bad person? I figure that languishing on a less-than-ideal (or downright bad) situation is really pointless.

If you consider yourself a creative person, who are you to take a situation at face value?

No, I think as someone with a love for outside-the-box thinking, you owe it to yourself see the events of you day as little differently than the average joe.

After you’ve given yourself adequate time (in most cases less than 24 hours, in many cases about 15 minutes to an hour) to accept the situation you’re presented with:

  • understand that it’s rarely as bad as it seems at the onset.
  • acknowledge that a challenge is an opportunity to reinvent yourself or what you do.
  • believe that negativity begets negativity and that positivity begets positivity.

Seriously, life (or the events that sometimes make it up) can suck. You can make the choice to accept sucky situations with a shitty grin.

Get creative – and tell me how things change.

{image credit: “true colors” fine art photo by sabinar}

Filed Under: creativity, photography Tagged With: , , 17 Comments