The Best Valentine You’ll Ever Have? Yourself.

brokenglass

Lately I keep hearing people mutter about Valentine’s Day as they roll their eyes and talk as though it’s their least favorite day of the year. I suppose we’re all entitled to our own opinion, but it just doesn’t seem right that there could be so much negativity about a day dedicated to love.

It’s interesting, because it seems as though people decide their worth on this day, based on whether or not they’re attached at the hip. Yet, in my experience, my worst Valentine’s Days have been while in a relationship.

One year I sent my boyfriend on a scavenger hunt, with clues that I’d thoughtfully put together, that took him through various memories in our relationship. He chose to take me to a movie and scribbled some mushy words on a piece of notebook paper. I was crushed. No flowers? No chocolate? He couldn’t even spring for a card?

And that’s when I realized that there is such expectation on this day, and so many of us are crushed when people fail to appreciate us in the way we think they should.

So ever since then, I’ve promised myself that Valentine’s Day is not going to be defined by whether or not I’m in a relationship. Some of the best Valentine’s Days I’ve had have been while single because the only person I have any expectations of is myself. I get to choose what I do and who I do it with, and if I want flowers, well then I’m going to go out and buy them. I get to fill the day with as much self love as I want — entirely guilt free.

So, if you’re single or attached  this Valentine’s Day, I really encourage you to throw love your own way as well. I think we so often put so much energy into other people that we forget that we’re worthy of giving ourselves the same energy, attention, and love.

Be your own spark. Your own light. And radiate with love for yourself.

Tell me, what are you going to do to love yourself today?

Book Review: Stones of the Sky

“Break yourself open at the breaking point,
you, body of the one I love,
into another genesis, into the cataclysm…”

In another life, I planned to be a poet. I spent hours perfecting the craft of iambic pentameter and the beauty of haiku. I wanted to share my world in the ways of Annie Dillard and Carolyn Kizer. I dreamed to write the revolutionary poems of my generation, to echo the energy and moment of Audre Lorde and bell hooks. Somewhere on the journey, though, poetry got pushed aside for creative nonfiction and the radical energy was channeled into action, not words.

But on a cold winter night, when the rain outside freezes before the ground, I want to curl up with a book of poems and a cup of tea and not consider the challenges we face every day. One of the few poets who returns to my life over and over again is Pablo Neruda. Best known for his love poems and his prolific writing, Neruda is a watcher, a seer of beauty in all moments. Though I believe poetry is best read in its original language, I have found that the Copper Canyon Press translations are most delightful to my eyes and ears.

In Stones of the Sky, we find a collection of thirty poems written to Nature, a being worthy of the greatest love. Deepened by his love of the Chilean landscape of his birth, Neruda writes to crystals, stones, birds, water, and trees with a clarity that comes from years of romance. His language, with a unique command of description that is evocative but not overwhelming, brings each sense present to the scene of love he describes. With a translation by James Nolan that faces the original Spanish for every poem, this version is more than just a book of poetry. It’s a record. A memory.

The succulent
sky
had not only clouds,
not only space smelling of oxygen,
but an earthly stone
flashing here and there
changed into a dove,
changed into a bell,
into immensity, into a piercing
wind:
into a phosphorescent arrow,
into salt of the sky.

In the deepest parts of winter, I reach for the sunlight, however it may appear.

In a poem, a song, a cup of tea with a friend, the smile of a stranger. We walk so silently, so loudly, through this journey, and I wonder how often we miss these moments on sunlight. Poetry, of the love kind or the nature kind or the all kinds, poetry is my window into that bright April day when the air is crisp and the learning is deep. Neruda, or Audre Lorde, or Annie Dillard, or you — these are the poets of my heart.

What is your favorite poem? Who is your favorite poet?

The Creative Life Love List

art by twiggsdesign – click image for more info

This is my 50th post at Scoutie Girl!

Since Scoutie Girl is all about crafting a “creative life with character,” I wanted to celebrate by sharing 50 things I enjoy and have learned about living a creative life. Maybe you’ll see some shared loves…

The Creative Life Love List

HOME

1. I can make anywhere feel like home, be it a house, a rental car, or a temporary office.
2. I eat off the good dishes every day.
3. My home is a work of art.
4. The front porch makes just as good of a lunch spot as the dining room.
5. Some of my favorite things are thrifted.
6. Art from friends, family, and artists deck my walls.
7. A vacation is only a pillow fort away.
8. Pinecones and leaves serve as souvenirs.
9. Making a meal can be a creative act.
10. I practice philosophy through my closet.

RELATIONSHIPS

12. I’m surrounded by informed, intelligent, passionate people.
13. I meet world changers at events and conferences.
14. I’m married to a funny, kind, and generous man.
15. My sister and I like each other so much we invented our own holiday.
16. I can see my parents as really cool people, not just parents.
17. I’m curious about the people I meet.
18. I get that everyone has a story.
19. I have friends that have seen my good, my bad, and my ugly, and it feels good to be truly known.
20. Love, support, and inappropriate jokes are only a phone call away.

WORK

21. I share my office with two rabbits.
22. I’m inspired daily by my clients.
23. I’m a forever student.
24. My colleagues do life-altering work and are remarkable people.
25. I look forward to my work every day.
26. I’m energized by what I do.
27. When clients get results I feel on top of the world.
28. I have a clear vision and sense of purpose.
29. I’m the boss.
30. Did I mention that I share an office with two rabbits?

PLAY

31. I know how to play.
32. Taking a walk is a scavenger hunt.
33. Taking a walk with a dog is heaven.
34. I invented “playground yoga.” There’s lots of laughing and falling down.
35. I am not above prank calls.
36. Laughing until I cry is one of my favorite activities.
37. Sometimes you just have to hold your friend’s doll collection hostage. With a construction paper gun.
38. Lip synced dance routines are best done with the kind of friend who will put a strapless bra around her head and pretend the cups are cat ears.
39. When you catch a duck, be sure you know which apartment you’re going to put it in.
40. Good spouses cheat at Taboo.

PHILOSOPHY

41. Learn the rules so you can break them better.
42. Apologizing is an art.
43. Nothing feels better than being thought of.
44. It’s never too late. Applies to chasing dreams and sending wedding presents.
45. Honor your critter self.
46. Fail faster.
47. Fail better.
48. It doesn’t matter what they think.
49. Ask for the girly beer.
50. It all starts with gratitude.

What’s on your creative life love list? Share in the comments.

Gathering light,

The Courage to Connect

Today I’d like to discuss making connections, online and offline. An essential part of developing your creative business is forming meaningful, helpful connections that will encourage your work.

When we talk about making connections and forming meaningful relationships, what we’re talking about in the end is love. You can get sources of love from your parents, your family, your partner, your kids, your pets, even from professional relationships in a broader sense.

Anytime you’re getting support and encouragement from other people, I see that as a form of love. Obviously we all want to increase these positive connections in our lives, because the more loved and connected you feel, the more creative and productive you’re going to be. It’s important to value and honor all of your supportive personal relationships.

“Love is life. All, everything I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love.”
- Leo Tolstoy

Women have a gift for creating new connections, but we often tend to be the givers and caretakers in our relationships. That’s a very admirable characteristic, but it’s also necessary for us to be able to receive. We must all work on being open to receiving support, and love, and encouragement in our relationships – whether they’re personal relationships or professional relationships.

This can start with something as easy as being able to receive a compliment. When people tell you, “Oh you look great today, what a pretty dress!”  you can practice not immediately saying, “Oh this old thing!” Instead, try responding with a generous, simple, “Thank you!” Practice accepting the love that is behind the kind, supportive statements you receive from other people.

I know this is easier to say than to do, and I tend to use the denial strategy quite often as well. When people pay me a compliment on something I’m wearing, I tend to say, “This? I got it at the thrift store.” But I’m practicing being more open and receiving, and I hope you will, too. It could open some new, undiscovered doors for support and love in your life.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
- Anais Nin

During the past several months, I have been traveling through Europe and interviewing many successful women who are publishing books, developing e-courses, and living out their creative, entrepreneurial dreams. It’s easy to get awestruck and overwhelmed by their accomplishments, but I hear again and again that these amazing women often have incredible, supportive networks behind the scenes. No one can do everything alone.

Your job is to build your own personal support system.

Who could give you more time to work on your creative work? How could they support you with paperwork, email, housework, cooking meals, and/or child care? We’re all responsible for building our own supportive networks; this is essential to making our creative work a priority.

“Success occurs in clusters and is born in generosity.”
- Julia Cameron

Surround yourself with optimistic, positive people who are realizing their dreams, and it will definitely help you move closer to your dreams at an increased speed. Be generous with giving compliments (and with accepting them!) and keep good, focused energy in circulation. The flow of positive spirit and generosity will multiply and come back to you in surprising and unexpected ways!

Also, seek out people who are doing what you would most like to do – and don’t be afraid to contact them! People are more accessible these days than ever before through email, Twitter, and Facebook. Often, creative people are happy to answer questions or they might be future collaborators for a special project. You do need to think about what you can offer your collaborators in exchange: what kind of a creative project could you come up with that would benefit both of you?

Don’t be shy. Don’t be afraid to ask others for their feedback and ideas.

Get in touch with the people you admire. Don’t see them as competitors, see them as peers and potential collaborators. The more you can help them, the more they can help you.

We’re all in a network together. The old-fashioned way of thinking is very protective, closed, and doesn’t let other people see what we are doing. The newer, more positive way of thinking is accepting that we are all in a network together, that we have the possibility to connect and collaborate with one another, and that we can help each other in the long run. Making those kind of connections is one dynamic key to getting your creative work out into the world.

One last thing to remember: Once you’ve formed these connections – once you’ve planted the seeds, you must go back and water them, nurture them, and give them light and sunshine and energy, just like with a garden. Plant the seeds of your relationships carefully, then take exquisite care of them so they can grow and flourish.

How do you make most of your personal and creative connections these days – through the Internet or in “real” life?  Have you made real life contacts with people you’ve “met” on the Internet?

Have a great week!

xo

Stephanie

little things link love: chocolate (and a farewell)

LOVE chocolate poster - Me gusta el chocolate by MandarinPrint - click image to view more

Pretty sure I’ve been a chocolate fan since the womb.

Who DOESN’T like chocolate? I mean, I know there are people who are allergic to it (bless their hearts), but is there anyone that really just can’t stand it? I’m not talking about white chocolate, either, which is neither good nor actually chocolate. Oooof… that smell.

The origin of cocoa dates back to 2,000 BC in the Amazon. The seeds of the cocoa tree, cacao (pronounced “kuh-KAH-o”), have been used in beverages, as fertility symbols and currency, and offered up to the gods. Early uses of cocoa did not include sugar, which was unknown to the region at that time. It was therefore common to include spices, especially chiles, as a means of adding flavor. It wasn’t until the 1500s that Spanish explorer Hernando Cortéz suggested adding sugar to the mix. This new-and-improved version was reserved for royalty and the elite, and kept a secret by Spain for almost 100 years. In 1615, Anne of Austria, the daughter of Philip III of Spain, gave a sip to her French husband, Louis XIII. From there, a world love affair was born.

Chocolate, these days, is big business. It’s one of the few industries that actually does well in a recession, one little splurge indulged in by many on a budget. On a trip to Belgium a couple years ago, we saw chocolate stores in Brussels that would rival any high-end department store in terms of ambience and displays. You would think those velvet-swathed, ribbon-embellished window features would be hiding some kind of diamond bauble in them, but no. The real gem is the chocolate.

If you are even mildly obsessed with this holiest-of-holy confections, check out these links:

  • AllChocolate.com - Probably the most solid site I’ve seen that is devoted to chocolate. From here, you can get a great background on its history and production, and learn about chocolate tastings. Just like wine and coffee, location and blending make a big difference. Find out how to interpret origins, percentages, milk contents, and more.
  • Become a chocolatier – As there are pastry chefs devoted to breads or sugar, there are those who dedicate their careers to the cacao bean. A good read if you think making chocolate might be your true calling.
  • Chocolatier, the game – Become a chocolatier with this downloadable game by sourcing your way around the globe and dealing with the competition. There’s even Chocolatier 2 and Chocolatier 3 to keep you going.
  • Chocolate factory tours – Most of us in the states are familiar with Hershey’s, but here are ten factory tours in the U.S. and around the world that take it to another level. Plan your vacation around it? But, of course.
  • Eco-friendly chocolate – As with most edible items these days, there is a growing focus on eco-friendly, sustainable practices in the chocolate world. Learn the basics about organic and fair trade, and read a list of eco-friendly production companies.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

As for that farewell, this is my last little things post on Scoutie Girl. I have loved exploring and sharing with you all the quirky topics that pique my interest, and enjoyed all of your sharing through the comments. If you follow Scoutie Girl regularly, you know that it’s important to take steps to shape the life and career you dream about. In my own molding efforts, I’m restructuring my path and must say goodbye to this column. I owe much gratitude to Tara for allowing me to come on board as a contributor, and to Carrie for keeping all of us writers on track.

If you liked little things, I invite you to follow along over at Dandyville, my curation of all things creative and swell. For more information, and to keep tabs on me and my other work, please visit tinajett.com.

Happy early Valentine’s Day, and much strength and bravery to you all in 2012 and beyond!

Tina