June 19, 2012

off the clock: beautiful, happy, sad

image by susannahwingate – click image for more info

I don’t want to be a coach today.

I love what I do; this is not about that.

It’s about vulnerability. Freedom. Identity. It’s about being who I am when I’m off the clock and being it here in this space. It’s about not having answers, or even questions. It’s about being. Openly. Unapologetically.

Today I was a wife. I saw my husband cry. I touched his arm. I listened. We laughed, shared burritos, and picked up groceries.

Today I was a daughter. I called my dad. I told him that I missed him and that I wanted to see him soon. I didn’t tell him that one of my deepest fears is that he will pass away before I move closer to home and then I’ll regret all the years I spent so far away from the nest. We talked about the weather. We said we’d probably see each other soon.

Today I cleaned out my entire house. We’re moving in a couple months, and today was purge day. Day of going through the entire house and making a pile of things we want to leave behind. A bunny creamer I got for a birthday. A throw we got as a wedding gift. The DVR we never even used. A pile of memories. Of shapes that have taken space in our home for years. All that we have no significant attachment to. Could I leave it all behind? Sometimes I want to.

This is who I was today. A nothing day, I guess. A mundane day. But filled with beautiful and happy and sad little moments.

If I was being a coach, I’d leave you with a thoughtful question so you could draw out your own lesson from this post. But I’m not gonna do that, because that’s not who I’m being today.

And besides, I trust you.

I trust you to gather up all the beautiful and happy and sad little moments of your day. Because that’s who you are. And sometimes the mundane is just enough.

Gathering light,

Filed Under: creating action, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , , , 13 Comments
May 22, 2012

defy the form; declare your identity

image by pepperink - click for more info

I was recently asked to describe what I do on a form. I could have easily written career coach. Or small busines coach. But the inside of my head kept repeating, “I’m a biz illuminatrix.”

That feels accurate. The words feel good around my work. But would people think I was nuts? Or even know what I mean?

I had a short fantasy about what all the people reading it would think.

“Oh, ok. She doesn’t really know what her businss is about. Who would hire her? That’s not even a word!”

Yes, I was bullied by imaginary people over my word choice on a standardized form.

But you know, what? I AM a biz illuminatrix. It’s in the feedback I get from clients, where I lead from, and what I strive to do. As a description, it’s not conventional and it’s not convenient. It’s evocative. It’s rebellious. It’s what you get when you get me.

So I went with it. Say hello the world’s first (?) Biz Illuminatrix.

I invite you to join me in defying the forms.

What identity will you delcare for yourself? Serve it up in the comments, raw and real.

Gathering light,

Filed Under: Buy You, For You, creating action Tagged With: , , , , 11 Comments
April 20, 2010

the foundation of growth :: my very personal story…

This was really daunting to think about at first.  Then as my mind raced from topic to topic I noticed there was a bit of continuity between my seemingly random thoughts.  The common thread? Identity.  This topic, so innate for so many, has been true discovery for me since I can remember.  When you grow up the only little black girl in the middle of a perfectly manicured white suburb…well you can see how things could get confusing.  (Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful childhood full of wonderful friends and wouldn’t change a thing.)

Flash forward twenty some odd years, and the struggle continued although it had evolved.  No longer was I worried about what this group or that group thought about me and my rather fair-skinned social circle.  That journey ended with a hard line in the sand – on the other side of the line was written ‘this is just who I am world so there!’.  Now the struggle was on the professional end – the right to call myself an artist.

I know this must sound so very silly to many of you, but this is truly how the story goes.  You see I did not study art in school, have deeply artistic parents, or dream of painting ever since I could remember.  In my eyes – I had no creds!  There was about a six month period after leaving Nordstrom that I would use every word in the book to describe what I do, how it works, where you can see it…but I would never just say I’m an artist.  Why was it so hard?  

My husband began to pick up on my evasive maneuvers and pushed me to call a spade a spade.  He told me that none of my excuses mattered to anyone but me.  The fact is you are an artist, there is just no way around it.  From there I would literally stand in front of the mirror and make myself say ‘I am Khristian, and I am an artist.‘  I am a firm believer that saying things aloud makes them true, and has that little side effect of making you accountable!  I began to make I am an artist my answer to the what do you do question.

I am sure you are wondering by now how the heck is this a story about growth!  In my eyes there is no growth without identity and self-belief.  Not only did my soul grow through this process, but so did the validity and quality of my work.

you can find more stories of growth here on scoutie girl and over at crafting an mba.

Filed Under: personality Tagged With: , , , 14 Comments