Book Review: The Secret Life of Pronouns

I want you all to know that the words you’re about to read would have looked extremely different had the events of this past weekend not unfolded. But as I was reminded this weekend, it is important to trust the process, so that is exactly what I’m doing.

I spent the last four days in a space with about forty other people who in some form or another are about progressive change, and are constantly working to bring equality to areas where they see it lacking. There were laughs this weekend, profound moments of deep connection, tears, and words.

We connect through our words, through conveying to one another what is important to us, who we are, and how we came to be.

So what does this have to do with the book I’m reviewing? I think just about everything. The Secret Life Of Pronouns by James W. Pennebaker, is all about looking at the words people are using, how they are using them, and figuring out what they are actually saying.

I’m going to be entirely transparent with you, and admit that although I was able to pull some really great things from the book, that it wasn’t quite what I had been expecting.  Pennebaker discusses several studies he has conducted throughout the book, and presents readers with quite interesting statistics about word use. Although he provides tools to analyze what people are actually saying, I couldn’t help but wonder to myself if it’s something I would really ever use. Am I really going to sit and analyze each word people are using? Probably not.

If this weekend taught me anything, it’s that the power of words is incredible, and that authenticity is something you can feel in the depths of your soul.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a space where you simultaneously feel mentally drained and inspired, and where everyone has such great wisdom and insight to share, but it is something that doesn’t happen every single day, so when it does, I beg you to cling to it.

“Emotions change the ways people see and think about the world. They can motivate people to work harder or cause them to give in to despair. Emotions can broaden our perspectives or restrict them by causing to ruminate about the same topics over and over. Emotions guide our thinking and affect the ways we talk and get along with others. Not only do we need to know our own emotions, we need to be able to read other people’s emotions to understand what they are thinking and planning to do.”

- James W. Pennebaker

I can say with confidence that the emotion present this weekend gave us all renewed energy to work harder, gave us a restored belief in humanity, and allowed us to form deep bonds and connections over the course of four days.

We are human, and I think we could spend a lifetime reading about words, but it’s using them, exchanging them, taking them in, where we learn about ourselves and each other.

I don’t think we need to pay attention to what pronouns people are using, or negative emotional words. I think we just need to truly listen, and that the rest will follow.

So I urge you to listen when people speak to you today, give them your full attention, and really truly listen.

book review: Emotional Currency

Editor’s note: This is the first post from our new contributor, Sara Blackthorne. Welcome to Scoutie Girl, Sara!

Hi there, Scoutie Girls (and Guys)!

It’s so exciting for me to be sharing this, my first review, here on Scoutie Girl. As a long-time reader, I know the importance of sharing valuable information, stuff I might not read other places, so I hope to bring that uniquity to my posts.

First, a bit about me: I keep a blog and teach writing workshops based at my site, A Forest of Stories. Through my own storytelling and evolution, I have discovered my passion for personal narrative, for truth-speaking, for facing our demons. In addition to be a writer and editor, I am also an aspiring attorney, walking the long, slow journey to juris doctorate to find a voice in the legal system for others to tell their stories. It’s an amazing and profound journey, and I feel blessed every day to walk this path.

What does this have to do with Scoutie Girl and all of you? Well, you can anticipate from me an eclectic mix of reviews, from indie musicians to books you absolutely must read to the next great undiscovered novel. Not only am I interested in personal storytelling, but in the components that make up our stories – particularly our money stories.

Which leads me to this month’s review of Emotional Currency by Kate Levinson.

“Feelings…offer the only path for healing our wounds from our painful experiences and emotions involving money.”
~ Kate Levinson

I stumbled upon Emotional Currency while reading Tara Gentile’s The Art of Earning. I had been wandering my local bookstore, searching for more information, more text, about the relationship between women, earning, and financial responsibility. As someone who has been categorically “poor” for most of her life, I had finally realized that my experiences and encounters with money were connected to something deep, something really challenging, and I was ready to slay that dragon. When I came across this book, sitting alone on a shelf, I realized that it was exactly the approach I needed to take.

Dr. Levinson’s book isn’t just for women, let me be clear on that. While she writes and markets her strategies for female brains, I believe these tools are just as useful for men, and deeply valuable given our proclivity for discouraging emotions in male lives.

What she advocates, on a basic level, is the exploration of our experiences, encounters, history, and emotions surrounding money – of all kinds.

The good, the bad, the disastrous, the brilliant.

The dominant activity in this book is creating a “money memoir,” a written account of financial situations and the lessons they teach us. Using incredibly pointed questions, and a gentle hand, Dr. Levinson guides us through the twisted and often terrifying memories of money: having it, not having it, spending it, saving it, losing it, and everything in between.

“In what ways, and under what circumstances, do you judge yourself for what you have? Do you fantasize about being taken care of (financially)? Or being self-supporting? How did the financial resources in your family growing up affect how you live today? How does how much you earn influence your sense of your own value in the world?”
~ Kate Levinson

When I first read this book, I was neat and clean. I didn’t take many notes (and certainly not in the book itself), skimmed over many of the questions, and generally read it at the surface level. Then my world turned upside-down, and what was once a financially stable situation left me scrambling for housing and income. I came back to this book with a fervor, frantically scribbling in the margins and dedicating a journal to my own “money memoir.” What I learned, in this second reading, was that my own eagerness to learn about financial responsibility actually triggered my fear of financial responsibility (funny how that works).

“[We] seldom see ourselves and therefore our money in isolation, but instead as part of a web of relationships…that we have strong feelings for people and relationships, and these feelings need to be included in our decisions about money.”
~ Kate Levinson

If you’re at all interested (or even a bit curious) about deepening your relationship to money, or about understanding the motivations and experiences behind your financial decisions, this book will completely change your understanding. I am on my third reading now, and I still gain new insights and have “ah-ha” moments with each page.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with the emotional aspects of financial life!