i was talking to a client on the phone today. We are friendly, so i was sharing with him my nervousness over a large batch of drawings i need to submit to another client at week’s end. It’s my first submission to a client this big & i’m nervous that the work will be satisfactory.
He called me out and said, “I bet you were that kid in school who always swore she failed the test when in reality, she ended up getting an A+!”
He’s right. i was that kid.
But for the life of me, i’m not sure what my deal was. Was i really afraid i’d failed? Was i afraid of failing in general? Or did i somehow feel a need to place a disclaimer before everything i did? i think maybe it was the latter. I’ve been thinking about it all day now. And what i’ve come up with is that i wanted to beat any naysayers to the punch. If i were to fail, i didn’t want anyone feeling bad for me or giving me consoling pats on the back.
The disclaimer was my friend and my cushion.
But as i chatted with my boss today, i realized i don’t want to be that person anymore. Now that i’m a grown-up, i’d rather have a certain level of confidence that the folks who hire me have given me their trust for a reason.
i just finished testing out my theory as i worked on some of the final drawings for the aforementioned client. Instead of my usual trepidation, and a little bit of fear that the work i’m creating won’t be good enough, i just lost myself in the process and went with my gut. It was a pretty nice change!
You know, writing this column every 2 weeks has really forced me to reflect on my art, and my feelings about it so much. i didn’t realize it would be so introspective and that it’d force me to challenge myself so consistently. But now i think i’ll add a “no disclaimers” policy to my life. i’ll simply try do what i do to the best of my ability and begin to expect good things.
artwork by HereMyDear on etsy