growth in balance :: mother | woman

tara and lola gentile

when i became a mother, my being grew to envelop another being: my lola.

the outside world held no appeal. all i wanted slept in my arms, nursed from my breast, and cooed in my ear.

before i became a mother, i could not imagine this single-mindedness. this devotion. yet, even as this being grew, i continued to grow: my love, my devotion, my fear, my passion.

i grew and grew until i was stretched so thin that i might burst. i did burst a few times – all over my husband. it was messy.

as i stretched, i got itchy. the thin skin covering my being was taught, hot. i needed a salve to cool and calm me. the fierceness of my love would not subside even as it became obvious that i needed something else.

lola

what i have found now – right here – is a place where i can grow as a woman, apart from this other being. i can feed my soul, my need to do great things on my own. i can balance the passion for my lola with my passion for creativity, success, for you.

i have grown into this balance. while, not so long ago, i only lived for my child being, i now live for us both. i am becoming a greater woman and great mother even as this balance settles.

read more about growth – personal or professional – here on scoutie girl or on crafting an mba.

28 thoughts on “growth in balance :: mother | woman

  1. This post is just precious. I just love how you interject these perfectly human postings amongst you other work. Filled with sich vivid descriptions and raw emotion, it really makes us feel like we know you – that warm connection, sisterhood. Thanks so much for sharing such a special part of your life and for inspiring others through your growth and search for balance.

    1. i’m so thrilled that this kind of writing has a place here and that you respond to it so well. thank you for being a part of allowing me to do what i love!

  2. Oh Tara! This post is so special and i love that photo of you and Lola!. I’m 19 weeks pregnant, expecting my very first baby and i’m overcome with emotion already – this post really resonates! I find myself daydreaming about holding my child for the first time, hearing his/her first giggle, going for walks in the park together… all sorts of scenarios creep into my head and leave me feeling such happiness inside even on the ‘not feeling so good days’…. these little day dreams leave me looking a little silly at bus stops, at the grocery store etc. etc. but i don’t care! We’ve been trying for seven years and i’m going to enjoy every minute of my pregnancy 😉

    1. hi tanya! i have to say, for most of my pregnancy i didn’t experience those kind of emotions. i never thought much about being a mom before i met my husband and i didn’t feel that passionate attachment that so many women do to what was growing in my tummy.

      i think that made the personal & emotional growth after she was born so much more startling.

      best wishes to you in your pregnancy! cherish every moment now – and all the ones to come!

  3. The connection only deepens. Then they grow older and you have all the responsibility and none of the control! Shakespeare said it this way I have it taped to back of my art supply cupboard.”How shall I hold my soul that it may not be touching yours? How shall I lift it above you to where other things are waiting?”( I believe he was talking lovers but to me it spoke children) Margaret Atwood put it less romantically :”Potential has a shelf life.” Good for you for figuring it out, Tara. Thanks for your wonderful post, Happy Mother’s day.

    1. hi joanne! happy mother’s day to you, as well! thanks for sharing those wonderful quote. margaret atwood is one of my fave authors!

  4. beautiful! i am looking forward to motherhood and think about how i’ll balance my creativity, work and family… we’ll see where this journey takes me!

    1. thank YOU, michelle! passion is what drives me every day. when i’m lacking passion, things are really not good… thanks for being a part of making my dreams a reality!

  5. This post just makes my heart swell!
    I’m not ready to think about my own little ones yet, but you post speaks so poignantly of how creativity offers soul space within the enveloping flow of life – whether it be children, a day job or everyday stresses.
    Thank you for reminding us why creativity is so important and for sharing so candidly (and for sharing the ADORABLE pics of you and Lola!)

  6. Tara, this is the sweetest post:) I can relate in everything. Just signed up for your e-course and am thrilled to get started.

    xoxo

    V

  7. Hi Tara…

    I just want to say that you are showing your young daughter that it is not only possible to pursue the things you love but that you can also be successful while following your own path… that to me is success as a mother and as she grows this lesson will stay with her and guide her through her life… what a gift to give :)

    1. thanks, lara! i am trying to do my best to follow my mother’s example. i truly hope that lola grows up knowing that she is only limited by bounds she puts on herself.

  8. Pingback: Growing Pains
  9. tara,
    a lovely, lovely post. the balance is present and your being becomes more and more whole. i find the centering & mindfulness as an artist and mother to be amazing. thank you for your reflections.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *