when i became a mother, my being grew to envelop another being: my lola.
the outside world held no appeal. all i wanted slept in my arms, nursed from my breast, and cooed in my ear.
before i became a mother, i could not imagine this single-mindedness. this devotion. yet, even as this being grew, i continued to grow: my love, my devotion, my fear, my passion.
i grew and grew until i was stretched so thin that i might burst. i did burst a few times – all over my husband. it was messy.
as i stretched, i got itchy. the thin skin covering my being was taught, hot. i needed a salve to cool and calm me. the fierceness of my love would not subside even as it became obvious that i needed something else.
what i have found now – right here – is a place where i can grow as a woman, apart from this other being. i can feed my soul, my need to do great things on my own. i can balance the passion for my lola with my passion for creativity, success, for you.
i have grown into this balance. while, not so long ago, i only lived for my child being, i now live for us both. i am becoming a greater woman and great mother even as this balance settles.