making the impossible possible: creating with kids featuring Rachel Denbow & Amanda Oaks

magic blueberry bears by zukzuk - click image to view more

Many new moms take advantage of the time their children are small to do amazing work of their own. Ya know, work that doesn’t involve pushing an 8 pound infant out of your nether regions and then nursing its every need for 3 years.

But many other moms look at the task of nurturing engaged, adjusted children as overwhelming enough without adding the stress and expectations of personal concerns like crafting, writing, or starting a business.

Trust me, I understand both sides. Both kinds of moms are heroines in my book.

Though, if you’re here – and you’re a newish mom, I’m willing to bet you’d like to start introducing some self-love, in the form of creative work, into your life.

So, instead of giving you any more crazy advice of my own, I asked two of the most productive moms I know to give me the low down on how they create for themselves while creating with their kids.

Rachel Denbow is the sassy vintage momma behind Smile & Wave and Amanda Oaks is the warmhearted advocate behind Kind Over Matter. Both have a baby and a bigger kid home with them full-time. Both do extraordinary work. What’s their secret?

Rachel & family via Flickr

I asked Rachel:

It’s obvious that you adore your kids and put them at the center of your world. But with all the creative goodness you produce, I’m thinking they play a part in it! How do you play with your kids in a way that builds your creative momentum?

Rachel said:

I think a lot of my project ideas come from imagining ways to make their lives more fun or their environments more conducive to creative play.

One wall of their new shared room was born out of my desire to bring home vintage chalkboards for them to draw on. What was a fun purchase for my kids on a few random occasions has now become a grand focal point in their room that not only looks interesting but is interactive.

My kids have given me the opportunity to work with materials and ideas I would have never had a reason to work with otherwise and in return, I hope I’m teaching them to think outside the box.

A ha! You don’t have to separate your making from your kids’ making. Making something beautiful, engaging, and full of expression is a family affair.

What works for you as a mom might just work for your kids too. No need to detach your creating from theirs.

Amanda & Mr. Kind Over Matter via Flickr

Might Amanda say something similar?

I knew she had a penchant for take camera phone pics – just like I do – so I thought perhaps she’d know of other fun ways to create when you can’t concentrate.

I asked:

What are some other easy things you do to kind of stretch your creativity when you can’t focus on a big task?

Amanda said, “I play.”

My kids are great facilitators to my creativity.

Watching them live and go like they do, how they play and playing with them daily, it totally stretches my imagination. Over the years I’ve unlocked different levels of my creativity by playing, by teaching myself things.

By playing with paint or paper, creating poetry, entertaining myself with graphics and web designs, they are all hobbies for me. I really think that most creative people are kids at heart.

I think that it’s my kids’ creativity that stretches mine in a way nothing else really can. Not only does it energize my creativity but it also keeps our lives joyful.

So when you’re stuck just walk away, give yourself time to play to rediscover the magic and what your passionate about and also the magic in your everyday. Because ultimately what we want to get to is our work becoming our play, right?

Right, Amanda. Sounds good to me!

Playing is part of the creative process. You can’t take yourself – or your art – too seriously when creating is a game.

So not only can we include our own creative time in our kids’ creative time but we can use their creativity to stretch our own. Beautiful!

lola - 2 1/2 years old

This is very similar to my own experience. While my work is generally done in the times I’m not actively parenting, I do find other ways of being creative and modeling a creative life when I am momming it up.

I’ve acquired 3 progressively more sophisticated cameras and numerous camera phone apps since Lola was born. My interest and skill (whatever is there…) definitely arises from the creative spark she has awakened in me. I have nearly 5,000 photos on my computer, most taken after her birth, almost all taken by me, the vast majority of which are pictures of her and our mutual environment.

It’s my work, it’s my play, it’s my creative outlet. Without her, it likely wouldn’t exist.

Our children and the amount of time we devote to them don’t need to be obstacles to our creating. They can be – and are – assets.

The child you created may just be the greatest asset to your own creativity.

The full interviews with Rachel & Amanda are part of The Art of Action, a digital program for finding your initiative & making big stuff happen. Click here to find out how to join this community.

Find Rachel on her blog and on Twitter.
Find Amanda on her blog and on Twitter.

let’s get real about passion: part 2

you've got love to burn bowl by mquanWARE - click image to view more

Yesterday, I wrote a post about being fed up with a comfortable definition of passion. And I was blown away by the poem that broke free in the comments section. Below, the words are not mine. They are the words of the brilliant and beautiful commenters.

Click the links to find out where the wise words originated (all links will open in a new window):

Passion is…

Passion is scary and overwhelming.

Passion gnaws at you until you cannot deny it any longer. And once you stop denying it? Well, life unfolds into a passionate, steamy love affair. You are your passion.

Passion is when your art and you are careening down a mountainside and you’re not sure who’s driving.

I’ll tell ya this passion is kicking my ass and I hope your passion kicks your ass and has you running back for more.

Passion is a drive you can’t deny, that’s what carries you and makes you live life to the fullest. Hopefully.

Passion is the big bang of the universe.

Passion can go underground for decades and when ignited by the right circumstance… pours forth again, relentlessly.

We need to allow ourselves to be servants of passion, vessels of passion, workhorses for passion, be taken over by passion…
Transcendence rocks… and rolls… and grabs other people by the collar and says “Don’t ever try to tame me, ride me… wrecklessly.”
Without listening to passion we’re living zombies.

Passion won’t wait for the ‘right time’. It won’t stick around while you wait for others to finish up what they’re doing. Passion makes you take control and forge ahead.


Passion is zigzag with sharp corners.

Passion does not reside somewhere in the middle, but at the extremes. Only there can real inspiration be found. Wishy washy feelings fade to grey.

Intense, fire in the belly, charging forward because I can’t not, passion.

—-

The original purpose of this blog was to highlight a penchant for the passionately handmade. It still is. But it has grown (because of you) into so much more than that.

I’ve just adopted a new tagline that, while not as punchy as Jan’s, encapsulates what this site is all about: Scoutie Girl is where passionate creatives connect, converse, and connect. This space is the corner coffee shop, the hopping gallery, the college quad. It’s a place for you to be yourself, find nourishment, and engage.

The comments on yesterday’s post were a brilliant example of that mission. Thank you.

The question I’m going to leave unanswered for right now is: if that’s passion, how the hell do I find it?

Listen, I don’t know for sure. But I’m going to take a crack at it on Monday. I don’t want to leave you hanging.

In the meantime, please check out Alexis Martin Neely’s video on passion in business. Here’s the 1 sentence synopsis: you don’t need to know your passion to get started in business, but finding you passion as a business is a fundamental part of sustaining your success for the long haul.

I’m fed up with comfortable definitions of passion. Let’s get real.

crash, fine art photograph by joy st claire - click image to view more

Maybe it’s because I’m in the fever pitch of inspiration. Maybe it’s because I’m feeling dominated by my own need to create.

But I’m fed up with comfortable, lovely definitions of passion.

I’m tired of seeing mindlessly comfortable feelings being misconstrued as passion. You want to be a passionate person? You want to do passionate work? This is what it’s like:

Passion isn’t pretty.

Passion is seductive, rapturous, undeniable.

Passion doesn’t relent.

Passion nags, tugs, whines, complains until you. pay. attention.

Passion doesn’t go to bed.

Passion burns the midnight oil.

Passion hurts so good.

Passion fills the void.

Passion scratches and claws.

Passion is gasping for air.

Passion is uncomfortable. Hot and bothered.

Passion is hungry.

Passion is stirring.

Passion bursts & flows.

Do you have what it takes?

Passion can’t be engineered, manipulated, or super-charged. Passion is unearthed from deep within.

What we feel for our art is nothing less than what we feel for our lovers. What we feel for our art is solid, steadfast, beyond question, juicy, sexy, lusty.

Don’t kid yourself that you can settle for safe or interesting.

What do you really feel passionate about?

Don’t stop until you find it.

Please, don’t stop.

does your look affect the way you see your world?

wallflower illustration by jodypham - click image to view more

I’m a short-haired girl. Every so often, I feel the need to grow out my locks, try to bear the discomfort of stretching each hair to my chin, and force them into the imprisonment of a pony tail.

Once I hit pony tail stage, I realize that I just want the hair off my face and it’s a hell of a lot easier to do that when there is none.

So the scissors come out and I chop it all off.

Yes, I do it myself. Yes, it’s a little therapeutic.

In the initial hours after making the chop, I’m ecstatic. Free. Taller. Thinner.

Okay, not really but it sure feels that way…

Then comes what can only be described as an existential crisis: who is a woman who has no hair? I need to dress better. Do I still look pretty? Where’s my lip gloss?

Recently, I saw a post highlighting the words of Joan Juliet Buck, the editor-in-chief of French Vogue from 1994-2001:

Women with short hair always look as if they have somewhere else to go…

Once you have cut your hair you have to remember to wear lipstick, but you can put away the brush, elastics, and the black barrettes in the form of shiny leaves with rhinestone hearts. When you cut your hair you lose a nose and gain a neck. A neck is generally better than a nose…

With short hair you begin to crave pearl necklaces, long earrings, and a variety of sunglasses. And you brush your teeth more often. Short hair removes obvious femininity and replaces it with style…

You may look a little androgynous, a little unfinished, a little bare. You will look elegant, as short hair requires you to keep your weight slightly below acceptable levels…

Short hair makes others think you have good bones, determination, and an agenda…

I’m sure the other short-haired girls out there can relate. This is TRUTH.

I would also take it a step further: these same observations can be applied to my world as a short-haired girl. When you have short hair, you see the beauty of subtraction not only in your choice of outfit but in your choice of pillows. You see beauty in the simplicity of a flat horizon. You see stillness as fullness.

Since I have always been a short-haired girl, I don’t really know any other way of being in the world. So I wonder if other women (or men!) draw such thick connecting lines between the way they choose to keep themselves and the way they choose to exist in the world?

Care to let me know?

community. there’s room for us all.

by Jen Zahigian - via papernstitch - click image for more details

by Jen Zahigian - via papernstitch - click image for more details

Community. There are few things better than the feeling of belonging. Of being surrounded by support & trust & love.

I’ve built communities (and here and here). I’ve weaseled my way into communities large & small. I’ve felt on-the-outside-looking-in. And I’ve looked out from the inside with a smug, knowing smile.

Becoming a part of a community can feel as natural as falling in love.

Becoming a part of a community can also be a long, winding road on a cold, windy day. The walk is pleasant enough – if it wasn’t for the fact that your ears are numb and your breath is short.

At the end of the road, there is a door – although the hinges might stick a bit. A welcome sign. A warm fire.

While the “creative community” online may be vast, it is also difficult to truly feel included, to feel home. There are many sisters & brothers and getting mom or dad’s attention can be frustrating at best.

But you can feel at home here.

There is food & shelter for us all.

This creative community has responsibilities. And so do its members.

The community has a reponsbility to be open, supportive, responsive.

It has a responsibility to be trustworthy, edifying, expansive.

It has a responsibility to grow within reason, flourish without measure.

Community members have a responsibility to bring something new to the table. To start conversations and not end them. To seek help when they need it and offer help when they have it.

Want to be a part of the creative community online? Don’t wait for an invitation – although there are plenty. Concentrate on how you can improve your own little corner of the creative world. Focus on the love you can share with those around you.

Find one friend and then make many.

Keep talking even if no one is listening.

Be who you are and don’t try to be anyone else.

This isn’t a place for strategy or techniques or tricks or business models. It’s a place to break bread. There is room at the table for you.

Pull up a chair.

Written for #reverb10.

Also find a podcast interview with me on BlogcastFM, a handmade gift guide for entrepreneurs on Kind Over Matter, and a look around the town I call home on Covet Chicago.