July 2, 2012

farewell vs goodbye and doing what you must do

Doing What I Do - GM

It is Sunday and my Scoutie Girl post is due. Oh how I stall, avoid, procrastinate. I do laundry and eat lunch, I waffle and ponder, and I don’t decide what it is I need to say. This is the case many Sundays, but this one is different special.

It has come time for me to part ways with Scoutie Girl and it is a very bittersweet time for so many reasons.

When I first wrote here in April of 2011, 14 months ago, I was in such a different place creatively, professionally, and with reference to life and goals. I was pondering things like What is Art?, and What is original?, and even How do you get started? Good questions all, and I still enjoy a conversation around them, but… I am in a place where pondering and conversing are far second to doing. I’d say the prior is a luxury, yet it turns out the luxury is in going ahead and DOING.

We all search for answers and gather information as we try to find our place in life and work. It is natural, and necessary, and there comes a time for it to stop.

Now is that time for me.

The past six weeks since my spinal surgery I have had time for deep introspection and a good dose of  woe is me. Having cancer is hard. Spinal surgery is hard. Life is hard, and so it goes. I may have been dealt a lousy hand this year, but I am far from alone, and for the time being, at least, time does go on.

I have had to decide what I want to do. Not how can I best earn the bucks, or what people will admire me for, or even how much I can give back, but what makes me feel alive?

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
-Howard Thurman

Why, I have asked myself, does it need to take a tragedy to come to this? The truth is the tragedy may have nudged me, but I think I was ready anyhow. I ended last year knowing I wanted to go deeper into my art, write more, and work with people in some healing or growth capacity.

The only thing different is my perspective on time and my new physical limitations. So, I had to make some tough decisions based on both of these. What do I continue with, what do I stop, and what do I start anew?

Sadly Scoutie Girl is a discontinue, FOR NOW. I will likely be back with guest posts as I get my next ventures off the ground!

I have decided to redo my original website again and make it more of a static site for my art, i.e. no regular blog. I will be focusing mainly on my new website and blog and the creative projects I have in mind around it.

I have learned – or, more accurately, remembered – that I am a project artist. I have been trying to force myself into the mold of… I’m not quite sure, but something else. Just creating and not paying enough attention to the purpose I suppose. For me, all my work is multi faceted, the visual images just another language for the deeper work I think about.

I need to embellish with words, to explain what I think, to interact and inspire, and create something beyond imagery that feeds the world! I also need to know when I am done and move onto the next thing.

Again, for now I am done here. I have so enjoyed the writing and even more so the feedback I have gotten here. I would not be where I am (in all the good ways) had I not done this. I have met some amazing people and have gained the wisdom of Tara and expertise of Carrie while I am at it. I have gotten past my fear of the almighty dollar and learned it is about quality of life, not pay checks. I have gained the wisdom and genuine thoughts of many readers I will miss. Perhaps you will join me at Art. Hope. Truth. I thank you all more than words (or images) can say!

And so it is I say farewell, not goodbye, as I go do what I must do to feel alive!

From the Heart,

Filed Under: Conversation Starters, creating action, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , , , , 12 Comments
June 19, 2012

off the clock: beautiful, happy, sad

image by susannahwingate – click image for more info

I don’t want to be a coach today.

I love what I do; this is not about that.

It’s about vulnerability. Freedom. Identity. It’s about being who I am when I’m off the clock and being it here in this space. It’s about not having answers, or even questions. It’s about being. Openly. Unapologetically.

Today I was a wife. I saw my husband cry. I touched his arm. I listened. We laughed, shared burritos, and picked up groceries.

Today I was a daughter. I called my dad. I told him that I missed him and that I wanted to see him soon. I didn’t tell him that one of my deepest fears is that he will pass away before I move closer to home and then I’ll regret all the years I spent so far away from the nest. We talked about the weather. We said we’d probably see each other soon.

Today I cleaned out my entire house. We’re moving in a couple months, and today was purge day. Day of going through the entire house and making a pile of things we want to leave behind. A bunny creamer I got for a birthday. A throw we got as a wedding gift. The DVR we never even used. A pile of memories. Of shapes that have taken space in our home for years. All that we have no significant attachment to. Could I leave it all behind? Sometimes I want to.

This is who I was today. A nothing day, I guess. A mundane day. But filled with beautiful and happy and sad little moments.

If I was being a coach, I’d leave you with a thoughtful question so you could draw out your own lesson from this post. But I’m not gonna do that, because that’s not who I’m being today.

And besides, I trust you.

I trust you to gather up all the beautiful and happy and sad little moments of your day. Because that’s who you are. And sometimes the mundane is just enough.

Gathering light,

Filed Under: creating action, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , , , 13 Comments
June 18, 2012

what to do when all the pegs are square and the holes round

Arranging the Pieces - GM

“Arrange whatever pieces come your way.” ~ Virginia Woolf

I have long loved this quote and have in many ways modeled my life on it. Even my artwork, primarily digital collage, is a literal arrangement of pieces. I had it included in my online bio at one point and may do so again. It certainly fits the challenges I face or, to honor the metaphor, the pieces coming my way. In the year plus I have written here at Scoutie Girl I have made many changes in my online presence, but my personal life has been pretty stable. Actually the past 2 years, since I have allowed myself to do what I love, life has been as good as it gets for me.

Six months ago all that changed and some very unfamiliar pieces came my way.

I am still far from figuring out how this new picture looks, or where the pieces may fit. That is, if they fit anywhere.

The outcome will likely be far more dimensional than smooth on the surface.

A cancer diagnosis is some scary stuff to deal with it, but what you may not know is how much it can affect every crevice of your life. Everyone’s story is different, and in my case I have been quite debilitated. The irony is rich in that I wrote a post back in December, just prior to my diagnosis, pondering how I would respond to living with a permanent disability. I was experiencing the back pain that led to the MRI that revealed the cancer. Yes, I’m writing about it again.

The thing is I don’t know how not to write about it. It has, as mentioned above, permeated every facet of my life. So, how am I arranging the pieces? Well it is a one day at a time process. Some days it is one hour at a time. As an example, I will share the story of how I came to today’s post, the story of how a creative mind works, even when it is not working so well.

Until yesterday I avoided thinking about it. Then, knowing I was running out of time, I opened my mind to the possibility of an idea. Yesterday we were invited to visit with friends for dinner and there was an arts festival going on in the town. We went a bit early to browse the festival, and while walking back to the car I saw this wall.

This worn and broken building woke something in me that is deeper and stronger than the depression and lethargy I’ve been battling.

My beginnings as a photographer and digital artist were born from abandoned buildings. These forgotten or neglected structures serving as a metaphor for my aging body, although it took time to understand that connection. As soon as I saw the wall I imagined my body scans layered upon the walled up windows. Or, in this case, the x-ray of my newly constructed spine.

How different is my body now that cancer has taken over? My very bones have been replaced by titanium, not unlike the resurrection of an old and broken building. I do believe I have another new series of work here!

I became seriously fatigued last night, another highlight of my new life, and was in bed by 8:00, bailing early on my dear friends. I thought no more about the post. A good sleep must have helped. I often process work and solve problems in my sleep and dreams.

The quote came to me this morning as my topic to spin, and then as soon as I arrived on the Scoutie Girl page, Janice Bear’s very honest post on mental disorders caught my attention. I admit to being depressed lately due to my circumstances, but the truth is I have struggled with depression for many years and have been medicated for most of them, including now. Those who have not experienced mental disorders may assume that the medication always works. Not so. I am currently experiencing situational depression in addition to my normal problem and while taking meds.

I would reiterate most of what Janice says in terms of solutions to get through the muck, and add one important one for myself:

Just do it!

When Nike first made that phrase popular my husband would tell me all the time to “just do it.” Oh how I loathed that, and yet I’ve come to understand. When you show up to the page, or canvas, or keyboard – whatever your medium of creation – something often happens. As I opened my mind yesterday and was rewarded with the wall, I have many times found inspiration just by showing up, and then I adapt.

I arrange the pieces coming my way, and when they don’t fit I make do.

A square peg may not fill a round hole, but it can still work.

How do you deal with the unwanted pieces that come your way in work, and in life? Do you adapt, compartmentalize, or something other?

Filed Under: Conversation Starters, creating action, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , , , , , 20 Comments
June 5, 2012

Spirituality & business: invoking trust

Early in my coaching practice, I felt confident in my abilities to help people as promised. But there were still times when I felt that good kind of nerves: before talking with a new client, saying something I thought a client might not like, or trying something new. It was fear, but it wasn’t paralyzing. It was exciting, healthy, and a good indicator that I was onto something.

When these jangly feeling would come up, I would always remind myself that while it was my responsibility to show up and give everything I had, it was also my responsibility to expect the other guy to show up and give everything he had. I deal in collaborations, and when I start thinking that it’s all up to me? Danger zone.

But I did feel that there was something more I could do. More I could bring. I felt like the pump perched on top of a deep well.

What if I just asked the well to let the water rise?

I penned a little prayer, an invocation. A gentle request. I goes like this:

God, Universe, Spirit, Genius, Muse Divine -

I am here in service to do your work. It is your work, and I am here to be your loving filter.

Please help me focus and be attentive to the work at hand. Guide me, inspire me, and show me the way so that I may better help others to know your light, your wisdom, and your joy.

I am ready to gather and radiate light.

Ever thankful,
Laura

As you can see, I wasn’t too particular as to who/what got my message. Muse, Genius, God – they’re all the same to me. What mattered to me was that I asked something bigger, that deep well, to show up with me. That is the ultimate collaboration.

The result? Faith. Ease. Happy clients. Happy Laura. Surrender. Movement. The ego and mental chatter got really quiet.

And I got to be the pump, trusting that the water would rise. Call it trust, call it faith – it’s one of most powerful qualities you can bring to your business.

So my question for you is: What do you do to cultivate divine trust? To surrender, to invoke, to work with the well? Come out of the spirituality closet and let me know in the comments.

Gathering light,

Filed Under: creating action, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , , , , 4 Comments
May 30, 2012

the balance ~ working at your business vs. working on your business

Grey Cat Working from home by SchmetzPetz. Click for more info.

At the beginning of a business, a great deal of our time is spent working on our business as we get it set up.

We have a dream, a plan… a lofty goal.

We start our blogs and websites, launch a mailing list. We research and put all of our prices, policies, and procedures in place.

We get started with marketing and social media. We hustle.

Then we get busy.

We get stuck in the treadmill of making and shipping.

Of responding to our clients and customers.

Of just trying to keep everything working smoothly – and not just our business, but our lives, too.

In other words, all of the REALLY IMPORTANT daily tasks that actually mean we HAVE a business.

However, somewhere along the line – unless we’re careful and we plan for it – we stop working ON the business at all.

We get so caught up in the day-to-day that we don’t take that step back to critically examine our business.

Is this selling venue really the best one for me? Are my photos really up-to-scratch? Am I spending my marketing and money wisely? Am I growing the business in the right direction? Do I need help?

There are SO many interconnected aspects of our business, and even when things are going well, there is ALWAYS something that could be grown, changed, or improved.

I always find that when I take the time to work on my business – even if it’s just an hour to reflect on the next 6 months and what I’d like to achieve – it leaves me energised and re-motivated to tackle projects head-on.

Conversely, when I don’t take the time to look at the big picture, or to tweak aspects of my business, I find I get worn down by the day-to-day tasks, and sometimes forget my purpose and mission.

So, I challenge you to take a step back today and spend just 30 minutes working ON your business instead of in it.

What will YOU focus on in this time?

Filed Under: Buy You, For You, creating action Tagged With: , , , , , 5 Comments