February 5, 2013

Checking Fear at the Door

Fear is the highest fence.

Fear is the highest fence by mrsdkrebs.

I have a frenemy in my life. His name is Fear.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m always talking about conquering fear, so it’s strange for me to call fear a frenemy, implying that, to some extent, fear is a friend.

Now don’t get me wrong, fear sucks — but I need a healthy amount of fear in my life. Fear is that voice that keeps me in check to some extent.

Fear is the voice that lets me know that I’m doing something challenging.

You can’t be too comfortable in your creative and business pursuits. A little fear lets you know that you’re doing something different. You’re adventuring into new territory. 

The dark side of this is that if you don’t keep fear in check, it can rule you.

Do you ever do any of the following:

  • Not take a risk or try something new because of what could happen.
  • Not follow through on your big idea because you feel like you can’t do it.
  • Diagnose yourself, life, business with the worst case scenario outcome without evidence.

In these cases, fear is ruling you, you are not ruling fear.

Here’s how I keep fear in check in my life: I act.

The more I dwell in my head, the more likely I am to let fear beat me up. So I must take action.

I have the following quote on my office door:

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.  If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Get out and get busy.”
– Dale Carnegie.

How do you give life your all while keeping fear in check? Is there a place for fear in your life?

Filed Under: Plot Notes Tagged With: , 6 Comments
January 22, 2013

Keeping My Assumptions in Check: A Cautionary Tale

“Donkey and wall” By Malias – click image for details

You’ve heard the age-old adage:

“Assume and you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’”

I must confess, I never truly got it until recently.

I recently came out of an interesting situation. It was an association that started off fine and somewhere along the way, based on assumptions on my end and the other person’s end, led to thoughts and emotions that were just plain inaccurate.

In some situations, some people assume the best while others assume the worst; in either case assumptions are not a good idea.

Assumptions are our egos’ way of imposing our own reality on the reality of others.

And this is a big no-no.

Our realities are influenced by our experiences, our thought processes, our fears, our hurt, our hopes, and our own unique way of being and existing.

Key word: “our.”

To think that we can fathom exactly how anyone else thinks is quite arrogant, which makes us an ass.

And these assumptions make us believe things that may not be true about another person — which, depending on our thoughts, make them an ass by either living up to our assumptions or by not living up to them.

Assumptions are dangerous because often there is emotional weight that comes with them, and that emotional weight leaves a residue within us. That residue is like a tarnished spot on your opinion of the other person, a self-imposed tarnish that is completely the onus of the conflict caused by your assumption.

Assumptions cause conflict internally and externally.

Fortunately, the external conflict can dissipate after a while; unfortunately, the internal ones can remain. They can fester and they can lead to more assumptions later.

I hope to eliminate assumptions from my world by implementing the following ideas into all my relationships:

1. Express myself openly, honestly, and repetitively.
“Open and honest communication” has been my motto in my new romantic relationship. This is an idea that should be adapted to all relationships, with one addition: repetition. Communicate with people in your life openly, honestly, and repetitively and actively encourage them to do the same. And remember communication isn’t just what you say, but what you do.

2. Check my ego at the door.
Whenever I find myself thinking a thought about someone else, I should ask myself: “Is this my ego speaking on their behalf?” My ego is not a good proxy for anyone. Whenever it wants to step in and make a judgement call, I will leave it at the door.

3. Ask instead of assuming.
If ever there is conflict or the temptation to assume, I will instead ask. It’s a much easier way to get a true answer.

How do you keep your assumptions in check? Have you ever let them get the best of you? How did you resolve the issue?

Filed Under: Plot Notes Tagged With: 2 Comments
January 8, 2013

My Birthday Wish: Allowing Internal to Influence External

“Birthday cake” by Dan Taylor – click for info

I never understood people who don’t celebrate or remember their own birthdays.

I deem my birthday, January 6, as a national holiday. A celebration of life.

True story: 28 years ago, I was born 3 months premature.

My mom was at a local hospital ready to deliver me and they told her that if I was born at that particular facility, I would, in fact, die because they didn’t have the technology available to keep such a premature baby alive. She had to be rushed to a more advanced hospital an hour away.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always appreciated, acknowledged, and honored my birthday with reflection, gratitude, and hopeful expectation for the future.

In the spirit of my birthday, I always write up my goals for my New Year. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember.

A couple of years ago I started my “#x#” lists. My “#x#” list is a list of things I want to complete by my next birthday. This year, my 29X29 list includes personal, business, and spiritual goals I want to complete by January 6, 2014.

I can honestly say, my most rewarding accomplishments for my 27th year were all spiritual.

Hands down, internal challenges and work are infinitely harder and more rewarding that anything external.

Resolutions, whenever you make them, shouldn’t always be about changing your existence, but about valuing and honoring your current existence.

For 2013, for my 28th year, I challenge myself to continue to grow spiritually, emotionally, and creatively. To do the internal work that will ultimately influence my external existence.

I challenge you to do the same.

What internal shifts and growth will you nurture this year in order to positively influence your external path, goals, and accomplishments?

Filed Under: Plot Notes Tagged With: , , , 3 Comments
December 18, 2012

Saving Sanity: Five Things I Can’t Live Without

Lifesaver by emdot

Lifesaver by emdot

I’ve come to realize that chaos is not such a bad thing.

I used to be the type of person who had to have a plan for everything. And I do mean everything. I had contingency plans for my contingency plans. I was a bit of a worrier and filled with anxiety about every little thing.

My desire to micromanage my life was rooted in the fact that I wasn’t happy with my life.

If I kept myself busy with lists and goals and projects I wouldn’t realize that I was not, in fact, living. I was existing.

Sometimes when crap hits the fan, that’s when shift happens.

My internal shift began several years ago. I can’t pinpoint it exactly, but sometime in 2007 I began slowly waking up from the coma of externally imposed expectations.

I reverted, I doubted, I ran from progress during the next few years. But sometimes, in those glorious moments of clarity, I kicked butt.

Fast forward to today: I’m a better person, not because I gave up my list-making and goal-setting, but because I no longer distract myself from life with these things.

Do I still love a good goal-setting session? Heck, yeah, but I no longer define my self-worth by the projects I take on or how many items I can mark of my to-do list. Although I still enjoy the feeling of crossing things off.

I wish I could remember every puzzle piece along the way that has gotten me to the point, but, sadly, I can’t.

I would like to share five awesome sanity savers that help me both savor life and make more things happen.

1. Mavenlink
Mavenlink rocks my world. Seriously. I use it as my project management, time tracking, and invoicing system. I recently added a project called Tivi Jones Personal, which helps me keep track of important personal stuff like when I need to give my dog a bath in case I can’t tell by his smell.

2. Evernote/Dropbox
I cheated on this one, but I’m an Evernote and Dropbox groupie.

My laptop has been acting up a lot lately, so I turned it off for a few days in favor of using my super ancient eMac. Not a typo, I did say “e.” That’s how old it is, but it works fine and I was able to access all of business documents via Evernote’s web interface and Dropbox’s server. Because Evernote and Dropbox sync with my laptop, iPhone, and online, my data is available anywhere.

3. BookBook
I love my BookBook wallet/iPhone case mostly because it’s cute, clever, and looks like a little book. I also love it because it forces me to keep only the essentials in my wallet.

I used to have a huge wallet that, at any given time, contained at least 20 receipts, 15 cards, six post-it notes, $2 in change, and three fortune cookie fortunes. With BookBook, I’m down to four cards, $1 in cash and one fortune cookie fortune (trust me, it’s one of those really good “…in bed” ones). Plus it holds my iPhone.

I never thought I’d be able to make a quick run to the store without carrying an arsenal in my over-sized bag, and now sometimes I just carry my keys and my wallet. BookBook has helped me de-freaking-clutter.

4. Instagram
Because life should be documented with tons of pictures. Period. Plus it’s a nice reminder that there is SO much beauty around us and we should take note of it as often as possible.

5. My dog, Grumpy
Grumpy is my adorable 10-year-old Miniature Schnauzer who I adopted June 16, 2012. I love him.

He’s jealous, needy, doesn’t play nicely with other dogs or men (uh, love life, much?!). He has a tendency to eat extra dark chocolate and do his creepy stalker stare when I’m eating or entertaining friends. But I love the little guy.

He reminds me to take breaks, roll around on the carpet, play, go outside, drink lots of water, and enjoy naps in the living room during the middle of the day.

And believe it or not he reminds me to ask for what I want, because in his adorable little way he does just that every time he needs to go out, is hungry, or just wants to cuddle with mom.

What are the sanity savers that you can’t live without?

Filed Under: Buy You, For You, Plot Notes Tagged With: , , 5 Comments
December 4, 2012

Do Idols and Role Models Limit Our Potential?

The Golden Animals By Adam & Lucy

The Golden Animals By Adam & Lucy

I have a half-read book siting on my nightstand: Add More ~ing to Your Life by Gabrielle Bernstein.

It’s been sitting there for quite some time – since 2010, to be precise – not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because I was not ready for the truth within its pages.

I picked it up yesterday morning and turned it straight to the page titled, “Releasing: Romantic Illusions.”

The following quote hit me like a loving, but firm, hand against the back of my head.

“Idols are limits. They are the belief that there are forms that will bring happiness…decide for idols and you ask for loss.” – A Course in Miracles.

While this quote definitely resonated with me in relation to romance, it also struck me in the business, professional, and creative sense.

How is my inclination to seek out creative/lifestyle business idols or role models limiting my potential?

The belief that once I achieve [insert name here]-level of success, that then I will have “arrived” craps on what my true path may be.

If I’m busy chasing someone else’s reality, how will I ever find my own?

Idols are limits.

Yes, they tell you: “This is possible.” But often they are so beautiful, shiny, and seductive that what we fail to hear is “…and so much more, if you follow your own path.”

What idols do you have in your life? How do your idols aid and/or inhibit your growth?

Filed Under: Buy You, For You, Plot Notes Tagged With: , 3 Comments