Asking for the Girly Beer

koozie by SoFabDesigns – click image for more info

“I’ll have the lightest, girliest beer you have on tap.”

“That would be the Ruby. It’s got hints of raspberry.”

“Beer that tastes like fruit? Perfect, I’ll have one of those.”

“Don’t tell them, but a lot of guys here tonight are drinking this one.”

“Oh, ok, our secret.”

I put a dollar in the tip pitcher. I liked this bartender. She was helpful and playful and gave me just what I wanted.

She gave me what I wanted because I asked for what I wanted.

I’ve been developing a practice over the last couple years, and it’s called Asking For What I Want. It’s quite amazing what happens when clarity and gall team up.

It’s not about being entitled or expecting to get my way all the time; it’s about knowing my mind and communicating it.

Knowing my mind is not always easy. Either I work towards or wait for clarity, or I end up asking for something I don’t have strong feelings about. That’s ok, no strong feelings about it just means I don’t have strong feelings about it.

But then there are times when it’s that instant, internal “I want this!” cry.┬áThis is where the communicating part requires some vulnerability.

Because guess what? That instant, internal cry is really specific and talks like a total weirdo.

“I want the girliest beer you have!”
“I need a sweater that feels like baby kittens!”
“I want you to hug me like a polar bear!”

See what I mean? Who says that stuff? The gal who ends up loving every drop of her beer, I tell ya. And wearing a kitten-soft sweater and getting polar bear hugs.

Practice, just as an experiment, asking for what you want with the language you hear in your head. People may look at you funny, or they may totally get you and appreciate your specificity. Or you might have to do a second round of your request with some translated, watered down language. But try starting with the words your brain gives you.

We’re imaginative creatures who play with language for fun. Honor the playfulness and clearspeak of your brain. Let it out your mouth. Get what you want. Bottoms up.

Do you ever speak those first uncensored thoughts in your requests? And does that get you what you want? Tell your story in the comments.

Gathering light,

7 thoughts on “Asking for the Girly Beer

  1. This was a great read for me…..you made the idea of asking for something fun….I hate to ask for help and will usually complain about it first……but, if you haven’t ask…..you really shouldn’t complain…..thanks for the reminder.

  2. I really liked this post because it rings true for me. I almost always have a better customer service experience when I’m direct & specific. When someone asks “Can I help you?” I feel like we often want to say “No, I’m just browsing” or “I just need a couple more minutes” instead of really telling them what we want/are looking for. I’m going to try to do this more often! Also, bartenders are the best at this game. I’ve been known to ask them to make me the most delicious drink they can. That’s always fun.

  3. I so love this post! There is so much clarity and honesty that comes from speaking wildly uncensored. We have not because we ask not. I’m inspired to tell stories about this wonderful phenomenon and link back to this post.
    Here’s to girly beer, which I love, sweaters that feel like kittens and ginormous hugs!

  4. I like all typs of beer, And I am trying to get my talk show off the ground.I am having women that are true survivors and I also have Org, that can help women that are being abused.It is all been for none profet but I have been strugling to keep the show going. I need money to help me and my partner keep this going. I just do not know how to ask for money on line? It is a strange feeling. Do you all have any ideas Best to you My show is on a local cable station channel 15 here in Mn, Please help me if you have any ideas? Thank you so much Jane

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