a {not-so} secret valentine

kiss in the grass
kiss by adam holz

it’s almost valentine’s day. i’m not real sappy… don’t put too much value on this one particular day. a girl gets her expectations up and then realizes that no man (or woman or any such thing) can read your mind to know exactly what kind of romance you’d like on this one special day. not to say that i don’t believe in true love, just not the kind of true love that culminates in a 24 hour love fest.

but kelly diels, who writes a blog – cleavage – i think you should all check out when you’re feeling sassy, gave a challenge to write a secret, or not-so-secret, valentine. i thought, maybe at this particular point in my life, this particular valentine’s day, that’s exactly what i need to do.

holga kiss by flyingboots!
kiss by flyingboots!

dear scoutie boy:

things have been rough. we love our daughter madly but it has been hard to love each other. my heart has been tried to the point of breaking many, many times in the last 19 months. but we press on. i just want you to know that i have hope and a lot of love left to give.

and i know that you do to.

i’m not going to expect a knight in shining armor anymore and i hope you can lower your expectations a bit too, and we can just expect to communicate & be friends. with friendly kisses and laughter and love.

we can learn a new set of expectations together and grow as husband & wife, mom & dad. together.

love always,
your scoutie girl

love is actually all around
love is actually all around by catbagan

do you need to write a secret valentine this year? think about what your heart most needs to say. and maybe write it down. or create it.

14 thoughts on “a {not-so} secret valentine

  1. Tara, what a sincere expression of how you are feeling and your love for scoutie boy. I enjoyed reading and now feel like I have an obligation to write my boy. I never have great expectations on Valentines day either. To me its the little things.

  2. tara you are such a wonderful person, and this is a wonderful letter. i have lots i could say – but i find this too beautiful and don’t want to mess it up with my comments if that makes sense.

  3. That is so moving. I think a lot of what we see in movies, TV shows and even commercials sets up expectations that are unrealistic. Many of us have our feet planted firmly on the ground, especially now, and while we would love to be “in the clouds” just can’t do that right now.

  4. tara, what a lovely note. i think this is such a common thing for new parents to feel, and how brave of you to realize that and put it out there. Isn’t it crazy, how you can love your new little person so much, and love and admire the new role your partner develops as a parent, and yet there is often that feeling of loss, of the life you had together before. Relationships evolve like every other thing in life, and you + scoutie boy will surely find your groove again.

  5. Tara! How brave of you, to put it all out there -> to show that life indeed does change after the birth of a baby. To realize that expectations can change and a couple can still be a couple. I miss the early days, when my guy & I were enough for each other, but I also know that I love the me of today more than the me of 18 years ago – and it’s because of the time in between spent with my guys (all 3 of them now). I probably do need to tell them that!

  6. Tara, you are honest and brave, I love that most about you. You don’t sugar coat, you show your true self both personally and professionally to your readers, friends and fans and that’s truly amazing. Very inspiring… I wish you so much luck with your valentine.

  7. Wow, so simple and heartfelt! I, too, am the mother of a young son and my husband & I have also had our, ahem, ups and downs. Very brave of you to tell the world – and let them see that they’re not alone! I think we all can forget that others lives are not so rosy as we think they might be or could be… and we’re all looking for the same things: love, acceptance, togetherness, comfort, companionship, trust. You’re right, there is no “knight in shining armor” but it’s clear that you love your man madly. Really sweet! Thanks for sharing!

  8. Tara, admiring your sincerity and honesty.
    Love the true words that come from the heart.
    I wish we could all communicate on a much more REAL level.

  9. “we can just expect to communicate & be friends. with friendly kisses and laughter and love”

    You’ve got it right there. That is the trick to a great marriage – communication and sharing laughter, love and those tears and hard times too.

    It’s not easy, but it sure is worth it.

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