I have been on quite the Brené Brown kick lately. Really, I can’t seem to get enough of what she has to say. When I picked up her latest book Daring Greatly, I kept flipping through the pages and soaking it all in, until I had flipped through every last page. I’ve been having a serious struggle with shame lately, and opening myself up to vulnerability, despite the fact that I know it is so very important.
This is not a new struggle. It’s a human struggle. Yet sometimes, I have a hard time realizing that shame doesn’t define me, and that opening up to vulnerability is exactly what I need.
Shame hangs out in the parking lot arena, waiting for us to come out defeated and determined to never take risks. It laughs and says, “I told you this was a mistake. I knew you weren’t ___________ enough.” Shame resilience is the ability to say, “This hurts. This is disappointing, maybe even devastating. But success and recognition and approval are not the values that drive me. My value is courage and I was just courageous. You can move on shame.”
– Brené Brown
I think for me, my shame lately has been showing itself in the form of me not feeling _______enough. Brené talks about this idea of never enough in her book, and I think it pushes its way into all of our lives in some form or another. For me, it varies depending on the day and what I’m dealing with. Yet, at its core it all boils down to feeling inadequate in some form or another.
But the truth is, in allowing myself to not feel worthy enough, or competent enough, or successful enough, I’ve gone away from the me that I really enjoy. My raw, authentic self has been overtaken by this shameful, terrified person that I’m not a big fan of. I’ve been noticing this change for awhile now, and I needed something to reaffirm to myself that I am enough.
Showing up just as I am is enough. It’s more than enough.
So, I bought a plane ticket to Europe. I leave for my trip on December 17, and will be there for 16 days. Besides that, I don’t really have a plan at all. I’m not sure what countries I’m going to cover, what hostels I’m going to stay in, or what trains I need to take. This is me being vulnerable. This is me knowing that I’m strong enough to do this by myself. This is me owning what I need, and choosing to let myself have it.
This trip could a great experience for me, or it could honestly be one disaster right after the other — but that’s something I would never find out if I chose not to go at all. So this time I’m choosing vulnerability over fear.
If I encourage you do to anything as this year is coming to a close, it’s to own what you need to keep your soul stirring.
Tell me, what do you need?