farewell vs goodbye and doing what you must do

Doing What I Do - GM

It is Sunday and my Scoutie Girl post is due. Oh how I stall, avoid, procrastinate. I do laundry and eat lunch, I waffle and ponder, and I don’t decide what it is I need to say. This is the case many Sundays, but this one is different special.

It has come time for me to part ways with Scoutie Girl and it is a very bittersweet time for so many reasons.

When I first wrote here in April of 2011, 14 months ago, I was in such a different place creatively, professionally, and with reference to life and goals. I was pondering things like What is Art?, and What is original?, and even How do you get started? Good questions all, and I still enjoy a conversation around them, but… I am in a place where pondering and conversing are far second to doing. I’d say the prior is a luxury, yet it turns out the luxury is in going ahead and DOING.

We all search for answers and gather information as we try to find our place in life and work. It is natural, and necessary, and there comes a time for it to stop.

Now is that time for me.

The past six weeks since my spinal surgery I have had time for deep introspection and a good dose of  woe is me. Having cancer is hard. Spinal surgery is hard. Life is hard, and so it goes. I may have been dealt a lousy hand this year, but I am far from alone, and for the time being, at least, time does go on.

I have had to decide what I want to do. Not how can I best earn the bucks, or what people will admire me for, or even how much I can give back, but what makes me feel alive?

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
-Howard Thurman

Why, I have asked myself, does it need to take a tragedy to come to this? The truth is the tragedy may have nudged me, but I think I was ready anyhow. I ended last year knowing I wanted to go deeper into my art, write more, and work with people in some healing or growth capacity.

The only thing different is my perspective on time and my new physical limitations. So, I had to make some tough decisions based on both of these. What do I continue with, what do I stop, and what do I start anew?

Sadly Scoutie Girl is a discontinue, FOR NOW. I will likely be back with guest posts as I get my next ventures off the ground!

I have decided to redo my original website again and make it more of a static site for my art, i.e. no regular blog. I will be focusing mainly on my new website and blog and the creative projects I have in mind around it.

I have learned – or, more accurately, remembered – that I am a project artist. I have been trying to force myself into the mold of… I’m not quite sure, but something else. Just creating and not paying enough attention to the purpose I suppose. For me, all my work is multi faceted, the visual images just another language for the deeper work I think about.

I need to embellish with words, to explain what I think, to interact and inspire, and create something beyond imagery that feeds the world! I also need to know when I am done and move onto the next thing.

Again, for now I am done here. I have so enjoyed the writing and even more so the feedback I have gotten here. I would not be where I am (in all the good ways) had I not done this. I have met some amazing people and have gained the wisdom of Tara and expertise of Carrie while I am at it. I have gotten past my fear of the almighty dollar and learned it is about quality of life, not pay checks. I have gained the wisdom and genuine thoughts of many readers I will miss. Perhaps you will join me at Art. Hope. Truth. I thank you all more than words (or images) can say!

And so it is I say farewell, not goodbye, as I go do what I must do to feel alive!

From the Heart,